Pilgrim Farmer John, our good friend and Major Caminohead from Iowa wrote this comment on the nurses quieting us down at the treatment center yesterday:
“Party on, Jarhead! Some things we need to be proud of, like having the insouciance to be having such a good time at cancer-crunching therapy to get a (mild) slapdown by the nurses. Yep, you and I are going to get along just fine, Amigo.”

So, yea, I had to make my way to the big fat dictionary to corral “insouciance”, especially if I had this thing. In my mind I thought our good buddy had spelled insolence wrong. Insolence is showing rudeness and having an arrogant lack of respect. That’s why I had to look it up because that wasn’t us, hopefully.

“Insouciance – casual lack of concern; indifference.” As in Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn or Alfred E. Neumann, the king of “What, Me Worry?”. So this is where several millions of dollars of high tech cancer treatment has taken me? Maybe I should have stayed in the early 1960’s and read more Mad Magazine and seriously soaked up this good stuff? Anyone want to get me a Neumann T-shirt for Christmas? Just a gift idea, no pressure, size large.

OK, so the lighter side of cancer coming at you. Well here it is just about time to get up for Thursday. Maybe if I built a fire I wouldn’t be freezing my butt! What me worry? See you, insouciant on, Felipe.

It wasn’t Thanksgiving and it wasn’t Christmas, just halfway between. Just Caminoheads getting together because we could. Sometimes it is just good to get together without the pressure of holidays. It is quality time just for the heck of it.

We are at the hospital today getting our treatment, Jennifer and myself and her cousin Marilyn showed up for a few hours. Well, as it goes we just got asked by the nurses to keep it down. All right, that’s what I want to hear! We were having little plays with gummy bears on stage and before we knew it we were having too much fun. Just a day in the life of the Commandos.

See you soon, love you exactly and immensely, Felipe.

The peace that passes all understanding. Have you ever dwelled on those words? I wasn’t dwelling on those words in this early morn but got to that peace anyway. It was dark still, four o’clock maybe. Rain was coming down in buckets and a slight breeze was coming through the open window and touching my cheek. It was the right time for a face to face opportunity. For these formal meetings with my cancer I am flat on my back with my hands on my chest above my lungs, home of my tumors. Somehow it is important for my body to be straight and symmetrical as possible. Don’t ask me why.

But we talk. I try and answer my questions and to find a way to relate to this renegade part of me. This has been going on for weeks, the talks. As time has gone on I am more satisfied with not being able to understand everything. When does that happen anywhere anyway? Lately, I have been more into relating.

I think the process was started when I stopped looking for blame outside myself. My cancer could be caused by what kind of breakfast cereal I ate as a kid in 1958. Yea, maybe. Or the chemicals that we used in art school in 1970. Yea, maybe. It is endless and useless, this quest, for me anyway.

There was a point it became personal, “my” cancer not “the” cancer. Maybe first I saw my cancer as a wildfire that we were fighting. Then I saw my cancer as a loose cannon aboard the ship that is my body, that we were trying to get control of. Most lately it appears to be a sort of messenger, an agent sent to get my attention.

Anyway, this early morning, I reached the conclusion that it, my cancer, had a place and it was alperfect that it was with me. Whatever it was sent to tell me I would listen. So, this is all so personal I hope I am not weirding you out but I am trying to describe a process that may be helpful (vital) to someone. I’ve never heard this stuff talked about this way and I am in uncharted territory myself so stay with me.

As a kid I was fascinated by the idea of people whose job it was to disarm bombs, unexploded ordinance. Totally heroic activity. I knew that the process involved communication. As the person worked at taking apart the mechanism to get to the heart of it all, to understand it and ultimately to disarm it he described everything he was doing over the radio to his team members who were at a safe distance. This was especially important when dealing with something unfamiliar as there was always a learning curve ahead. There was a good chance that he would not survive the procedure but at some point the answer would comeby by repeating the process. So, I strangely feel like “that guy” all of a sudden. So, I am not trying to weird you out but I am communicating with you as I keep you at a safe distance. We are trying to learn something.

This morning is Mass, as today is a day of obligation, The Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Catherine and I are off to that. Then this evening we have a big Caminoheads dinner. Our Jennifer cooking a big pork roast. So, thus it all goes on, love you, Felipe.

“Man I don’t have time for this. It’s frantic right now you know. So much going on, you have to prioritize. Some things are more important than others. I’m just up to my armpits in work these days, couldn’t possibly.”

“Yea, well, who is this guy Jesus Christ anyway? It’s his birthday right? Look he lived two thousand years ago in a poor little region under the rule of the Roman government. Now there was an outfit. They made a difference those Romans: roads, harbors, beautiful cities. Israel or Judah, whatever they called it, was just plain unruly. They needed the Romans to oversee things.”

“And what did he accomplish? “Turn the other cheek”, what does that mean? “Feed the poor”, so tired of those panhandlers, really. “Believe” in stuff you can’t see? There’s a good one. “Love my neighbor”, never met them really. None of this stuff is relevant anymore really. No time for it and it just confuses things for me.”

“It’s okay for some folks I suppose. To each his own they say. But it’s not for people like all my friends. They are the best bunch. We don’t need this stuff, it’s for those other guys who don’t have it together. It’s for those simple people and such, unlucky, unruly, not us, hate to put it that way but…”

More on Advent tomorrow. Love you, Felipe.

Catherine picked me up for Mass this morning in her new truck. Father Marc had a great homily about faith, about believing in things unseen. He was talking about the idea that no matter what the topic of his homilies that they were all really about faith. That is because a lot of times he is totally at a loss for an idea for what he going to talk about and he has to have faith that it will come together for him. And wiz bang it always seems to come together no matter how rough the start. Kind of like this blog; I can relate.

Then after that I accompanied Our Jennifer to the local Episcopal church to check that out. Carla Pryne the Priest there had a great homily about Advent. About things great and small that make up human history and it’s relationship to the ongoing revelations of God. And this history is largely filled with people like John the Baptist or Carla’s Bulgarian aunt, who she described in detail, who have there special places in human history without being the big power players. People whose God’s light shines through.

And Father Marc went on with other examples of how others went forward with projects based largely on faith. The faith ingredient seems vital really when I think about it. So much of what we do hinges on some components that are unformed or not totally understood.

And Carla meanwhile described a recipe that she tried to put down on paper from her aunt’s description of how to make this apple dessert. Hilarious as it had no real measurements. Real people just get things done day after day without major fuss.

Well, OK, My Rebecca is pressing me so she can “talk” with our grandson and she needs this iPad for FaceTime. So, this post is a little half baked but I have to go to keep the family peace. Alperfect here on the second Sunday in Advent. Love you, Felipe.

“The spiritual journey does not consist in arriving at a new destination where a person gains what he does not have, or becomes what he is not. It consists in the dissipation of one’s own ignorance concerning one’s self and life, and the gradual growth of that understanding which begins the spiritual awakening. The finding of God is a coming to one’s self.” Aldous Huxley.

There seems to be a lot of “out there” as Christmas approaches. Everything seems to be out there somewhere. Our job, get totally stressed trying to find all the required stuff and gather it in the time allotted. I haven’t watched much news since back from Spain but did catch vital footage of folks fighting over Black Friday merchandise. Yea. Hmm.

Let’s start the season here at Caminoheads with remembering what the basic story is and how each of us dovetails with God from way back before time. No fighting necessary. Just relax, the important stuff really is close at hand.

We are waiting on the Lord, love, Felipe.

If you are going to Spain to walk one of the Caminos, fear not. The Way has been working for 1200 years, millions of people have walked before you, just start. Just start, St. Francis walked it 800 years ago, you will be walking in his foot steps. You will be walking in his footsteps so you can’t really get lost because insights are everywhere, just follow the setting sun. No one accomplishs anything significant without the help of God, just ask. Your journey is an investment in your soul, rise to the occasion!

I will pray for your success, just start. Love, Felipe.

We did it to everyone’s satisfaction and then some. Just want to report that our four visitors from Salt Lake are on their way back after having charmed us left, right and center. All in a day’s work for a bunch of scruffy pilgrims though, scruffy being a good thing. OK, bless you four for coming so far to be here with us. Buen Camino, Felipe.

Caminoheads from afar have descended on Raven Ranch bringing buckets and piles of their lovely energy. Just when we thought we had a lull between Thanksgiving and Christmas in come this gang, Tracy, Loretta, Erin and Erin’s husband Jeff. They are all friends of Annie’s, well who isn’t really. So we are walking and talking and partying hardy in between. Just alberguing down with cozy wood fires and tapas. Haven’t had this much fun since Mary Margaret came through maybe a year ago.

The weather is beautiful for Northwest late Fall. But do these guys care anyway? All of us sat out at the picnic table last evening with Catherine y Dana tapaing in the dark and the drizzle with candles and twinkle lights. Are there any conditions that Caminoheads can’t tapa?

They all rented a beach cabin on the harbor for two nights. Could see Orcas out the front window. There were some bunk beds and Tracy claimed one of those for old time sake. We will be there for dinner tonight. Maybe have a winter bonfire so can get them all smelling woodsmokey for the flight home.

It’s pretty much an alperfect situation here. Will be out hiking today working the the tapas off. There is a grove of giant cedars that we want to get to. Their giant roots go across the trail and you feel like a Hobbit scrambling over them. Feeling like a Hobbit, priceless.

OK, enough of this giddiness. Time for breakfast and getting ready for the Salt Lakers. They will be here at 0900. For my readers we will start our Advent celebration soon I promise. Thanks for being here readers, love you, Felipe.

Good friends of Annie’s are coming for a few days to grace us here and walk Phil’ls Camino. They are coming from Salt Lake and probably at the airport now. I find myself scurrying around trying to catch up on things to make these guests comfortable and welcome.

It is comforting to me, as I have my first coffee of the morning contempleting all the undone details of welcome ness on my “to do” list, when I think of something Annie said to me on her first visit here. Awaiting her my little mind was stuck in the “Annie is coming, Annie is coming!” mode as I scurried preparing.

One of the items on my long list was to find some big flat rocks to put down in Raven Creek so Annie could get across gracefully when she came to walk the next day. Yea, got it done and was pretty proud of it. So, the next day when we were making our way around the first time in the typical rain of early March we came up to the stepping stones setting above of the flowing water and Annie complimented the engineering by saying, “Oh, how Camino!”. I was flattered but followed by saying to be careful because I just placed the rocks and some of them may be a little shaky. And she quickly exclaimed, “Oh, how Camino!”.

That’s when I learned to relax and love Annie and better understand what being a Caminohead means. So, Caminoheads on the horizon, that’s the way it is with us. Ideally you will be reading this on the Wifi on the plane. Know that we will charm each other “just because” of who we have become and therefore “we can’t help ourselves” (another Annie) and my “to do” list will perhaps be little shakey. Welcome!