Good morning. Gray and quiet here, perfect for blogging. I cruised through my Face Book news a minute ago and one item struck me and threw the catalyst in my thinking this morning to try and express something that I have noticed/observed/wondered about.
Here is the basic idea. Generally men who have had the Camino experience, not only had but internalized to some degree, seem to be changed rather substantially. This is all very unscientific but it my cause some conversation here so therefore useful. But I feel that the overall Camino experience is more of a feminine phenomenon than a masculine one. That women are already closer to the message than men are generally. They start out closer so that the potential for change is less. Does that make sense?
Me included, Camino men seem “goofy”. This is my word for what I notice. And I don’t mean goofy in a bad way but in a way that says out of the ordinary, or left handed or not quite fitting the old definition. Or maybe new ingredient added. There has been a shift somehow.
I do hope this doesn’t get me into too much trouble but what I see is palpable and worth the mention. And worth the mention in the climate of today with all the allegations of sexual harassment about and all the fear that that has produced. We need to figure this issue out.
Here is the FB post that sparked my thoughts today:
Thanks Kate Willett.
The jumble of physical contact between men and women on the Camino was out of the ordinary for most people I think. The striving to understand the proper etiquette for toilet, shower and dressing room areas was a constant challenge and a unending source of humor amoung participants. That was just one aspect. The jumble of contacts there and other places lead to new ways to deal and think. It was not standard for sure.
Not that men in general are harassers but our thinking, our posture, our approach reflects past realities. It’s all very refreshing, this movement toward something new. It is not a movement with marches and slogans but it is of the organic variety and we are living it and figuring it out as we go, as we walk.
That is enough for today. I need to get on with my day. My main goal today is to make a couple of high quality meatloafs or is it meatloaves? Hmm.
Love, Felipe.
Thanks Felipe for your good thinking. As a woman who has loved women all her life, my friendships with men have been deep and enriching, void of the sexual tension. I feel lucky for that. I have always loved the letters of St. Paul in which he addresses his audience as brothers and sisters in Christ. There is something pure in that naming, to which I am deeply drawn. On the Camino I experienced it in such a real and visceral way. There was such ease in relationship that seemed almost holy to me; maybe it was our mutual recognition of our common purpose – to walk as pilgrims – together. If it made the brothers I met a little more “goofy” I didn’t notice it, but I so loved them – all. Thanks again for getting me thinking. And, it is meatloaves. sending love form around the corner.
Catherine ~ thanks. I liked the word “ease” in reference to what we are talking about. The Way has maximum ease compared to all other venues that I have ever come across. Felipe.x
“Not that men in general are harassers but our thinking, our posture, our approach reflects past realities. It’s all very refreshing, this movement toward something new. “
Yes, and the Mindful among us strive to understand, self reflect, and stand for what makes us better, no matter how stellar our previous behavior may have been.
Thanks
Steve-O ~ thanks, a tidy little response with broad shoulders. Good words as we try and bridge this mine field. Felipe of the North.
Hola, Amigo!
You sly old fox you! What a great guaranteed way to get responses back to the ol’ Blog! Throw out the old Sex card! Mars and Venus and all that jazz. I did a quick glance at my FB Friends list and was not surprised to see it be a nearly 3 to 1 ratio of Gals to Guys. Here’s a limpy, old, far-from-pretty Farmer with lots of good-hearted women to interact with over the ethernet. What’s the deal, Doc?? Credit my mother. Everybody with a beating heart loves their mother, but I grew up with an infallible RESPECT and admiration for her as well. She was the iron will and never-say-die and “good enough”, isn’t, person in my life. That attitude made me very attractive to my wonderful wife, more so than any physical appearance. It’s an easy transition to give all women that benefit of view. I respect them, and they trust me. Easy peasy, right?
As for any kind of different effect of the Camino on men vs women, I didn’t see a clear connection to gender. Each Camino is such an intensely personal thing, the effects are as varied as the person making the pilgrimage. Thinking back to all the various “Camino Families” I had the pleasure on intermingling with, those folks who “congealed” each added their own flavoring to the family batter and made it the masterpiece that it was.
Hoping you continue feeling better each day.
SF,
PFJ
Wow Juan, beautifully written. Thanks. There was a certain ease there that you just don’t find other places. Catherine came up with the word ease. We took from that place and we get to unpack it and enjoy it when Caminoheads meet. It is that sense of ease that may help bridge over the present minefield. Felipe.
Thanks Juan, beautifully written and heartfelt. Catherine came up with this word “ease” for the slick way everything worked out on the Camino. Never have seen it in any other venue. And we Caminoheads get to use it as one of our tools in our personal toolkit. Yea. We need to find ways to bridge the present mine field out there and this is part of something I am sure. Felipe.
Dearest Felipe,
You never cease to amaze me! Who but you could write about a deeply transformational event and sexual harassment in the same post!?!?! You my friend, because you are living your life full out, truth first, heart on your sleeve. Yes! Love ya so. As for me, I tend to agree with you in that women live a little more in connection with others in general. So for men to experience that on the Camino it is amazing. However, that somehow doesn’t make it any less transformational for women. Somehow. The mystery of the Camino, I suppose! It’s funny, one time at a screening of Walking the Camino a woman said to me that she wasn’t worried about physically being able to finish, she was worried that she would finish and think, “Meh. Nice walk.” She was afraid that it wouldn’t be as amazing as everyone has told her it was for them. And who knows, maybe that does happen to some people! Anyway, love you lots. Be well.
Annie ~ thanks. I was thinking in engineering terms that men have more potential for change on this particular topic. This is all a giant generalization. But I think women in general are nestled in closer to the center of gravity of the Camino on this, therefore there is less room or even need for change. Yup, cowboy engineering theory. Nice talk today. Felipe.x
Hola Felipe,
I read this post and comments yesterday, and I commented too, but the connection failed and it was lost. I agree with what the other Caminoheads said; and what Catherine said about the Camino being a holy place, I also had that sense, many times, for many reasons. Even those moments that could have been read as “respectful”, they were indeed holy, sacred, as if (most of) everybody had understood that there were boundaries to be kept, not because we had to, but because they made the “deal”.
I remember one night in a packed albergue, the group that night was a old priest from Scotland, a couple on their late 60ies, a man with his 14 years old daughter, another man in his 50/60ies and a few others (of us) who may be in the “hostel-mixed shared room-friendly” age group, and may have not cared too much about undressing/dressing in front of others. But implicitly, none did that. When we were all getting ready to sleep, a very handsome 27 years old German guy said loudly: “I love how caring we are for each other”, totally out of the blue. Then he said, “We are not respectful, we are caring. I would love a world like the Camino.” The priest (who we thought was sleeping already) gave a blessing to us all, and I am sure there were many tears of joy watering sleeping bags.
All of us got what he said, everybody in that room cared for the other, with a very simple act like changing the clothes to go to sleep in the bathroom… Not because there was something terrible about that, but because the space shared was holy.
I still speak with most of the people that were in that room… and as I am writing, I can bring back the joy of that young guy saying those words.
Things like that changed me deeply (that is the only thing I “disagree” with from your post!!!! hahaha! Women have lots to learn and potential to change too!)
Family hugs,
Cris
Cris ~ thanks so much as usual. You add so much. That story of your get together with other pilgrims in the crowded alburge is priceless. It illustrates the kind of progress we tended to make there in those situations. Bless you.
I hate to be in disagreement with you and I don’t think we are really. It is just that I was talking about this one topic of relations between men and women or perhaps people in general. I was speaking very generally and was saying that is terms of relationship women are much closer to spirit of Camino than men. So men have more room for growth, for learning and for movement. Just my personal assessment of the situation.
Catherine and I were saying today that we long for your return. We feel slightly incomplete without Cris in the local chemistry. Write soon, write often. Felipe.x