It is early here. I was up at 0500 with sleeplessnesss. Oh well. It gave me time to tidy up around the kitchen after a friend was over for dinner. That was Matt, my Marine Corps buddy who spent the late afternoon waiting for a deer with his name on it to show up. We are back to archery season here for deer. Then he stayed for cider and tapas and for dinner.

So Tuesday, speaking of archery I was giving a lesson to Catherine y Dana. We were out in the woods and they were shooting grouse, rabbit, deer and bear targets that I have set up in a hunting simulation. I think about it as my students trying to get their dinner. It’s very challenging because they have to contend with different sized targets at different distances and under different lighting conditions. Some of the targets are shot slightly up hill and some slighty up hill. They were grappling with that when some eastern gray squirrels showed up, real ones and not my funky targets. I had my bow and arrows with me, left handed bow as I have been trying to learn how to shoot left handed and I managed to harvest one of the furry rodents. That was a big confidence builder for me left handed. So, I cleaned it and marinated it in red wine and we had it the next night for tapas with Matt, remember Matt. I felt majorly happy about turning a gung-ho hunter on to the flavor of squirrel as he hasn’t had it before.

Well, hope I haven’t offended any of the city folks too badly with my hunting tales but it is life out here, slightly out of town in the fall of the year. We call it all Wild Kingdom and it calls to be participated in and not just observed. That’s my take.

So, because I was up so early I had time to catch up on my blog reading that I hadn’t done since Sunday. Terry Hershey’s “Sabbath Moments” had to be read. Good one about him regrouping after election time. Then Richard Rohr’s daily blog about contemplation and action. Man, I love these two guys. They are always urging me in the right direction. Below are two things from Richard this week that resonated with me and are about what I have been wrestling with lately on Phil’s Camino (not the film and not the physical trail but my personal inner Camino).

“Thus, the Perennial Tradition says that there is a capacity, a similarity, and a desire for divine reality inside all humans. What we seek is what we are, which is exactly why Jesus says that we will find it (see Matthew 7:7-8). The Perennial Tradition invariably concludes that you initially cannot see what you are looking for because what you are looking for is doing the looking. The seeker becomes the seen. God is never an object to be found or possessed as we find other objects, but the One who shares our own deepest subjectivity—or our “self.” Merely physical things can be known subject to object; spiritual knowing is to know things subject to subject, center to center (see 1 Corinthians 2:10-13). This is how the soul knows. Not surprisingly, the soul recognizes soul in whatever it sees: soil, waters, trees, animals, and fellow humans. Only such a depth of seeing can enter into a fruitful and mutual exchange with God. To objectify God in any way is not to know God.”

“Evolutionary thinking is actually contemplative thinking because it leaves the full field of the future in God’s hands and agrees to humbly hold the present with what it only tentatively knows for sure. Evolutionary thinking agrees to both knowing and not knowing, at the same time. To stay on the ride, to trust the trajectory, to know it is moving, and moving somewhere always better, is just another way to describe faith. We are all in evolution all the time, it seems to me. It is the best, the truest, way to think.” —Richard Rohr, “Evolutionary Thinking”

Yea, do it all royally with the turkey, dressing and cranberries, oh and not to forget the all-important gravy. Maybe keep talk of politics to a minimum but try to find some common ground always with your meal mates. Love you, Felipe of the North.

Hi. Sitting in front of a window getting my dose of chemicals and watching a storm blow in. It was a beautiful morning and traffic was light, my blood pressure was low but now it looks threatening, the weather that is. I’m just kind of cruising along here. I have a couple of hours now after lunch. I will give you an update and maybe work on my Don Quoxite book. Maybe we will talk about that too.

Bill my Cancer Commando buddy and I were talking recently and he was expressing his feeling about his cancer, how he was fighting it tooth and nail. He really hates it and is totally all out fighting it. And he reads my blog and he wonders what I am up to. He has a hard time relating to my approach. The only thing I can think of to say to him is that I am trying to learn something. Is that what you are doing Felipe?

What are you doing exactly Felipe? I have always had trouble with the concept of “battling” or “fighting” cancer. It never seemed to fit my perception of the situation. Maybe looking at it as if cancer were pirates boarding their vessel is helpful to some, it doesn’t fit with me. I am more at home looking at it as part of me that is off kilter. Believe me I am thinking and thinking about this. In that light, yes, I am trying to learn something.

My fighting is more involved with working on myself and my relationship with others and with God. It is more about making me stronger or more integrated than repelling invaders. Somehow this fits my personality better or fits with what I can do with the tools in my tool kit perhaps.

I had a meeting to be with Sister Joyce recently and she was talking about the difference between reacting and responding. It was about the answer that one gives to a change. Are we reacting from a highly emotional place? Or are we moved to respond to the change in a different way, perhaps a more constructive way. Maybe one blends into the other over time.

Anyway, the stuff I grapple with day to day. Somehow, I am more apt to ask “why are you here?” to my cancer than “why me?”. I am always looking for the message that I should be receiving. I have fullly accepted the “why me” part. Maybe this all comes from dealing with it for so long now. Anyway, maybe this is helpful for someone out there. It is alternate way to look at things.

In Don Quixote I am on page 308 out of 940. I just renewed it for another month and the librarian said that I could do that again. Grueling journey, this book, similar to my 909 laps on Phil’s Camino.

I will blog tomorrow from home, We Never Close! Hope your turkey day is coming together, hot gravy loves, Felipe.

This is going to be a very short post. It’s late and I am about out of gas. My buddy Steve from Oregon sent a pic of a turkey he just harvested down there. Nice job buddy! Those oldtime Pilgrims would have been proud, yes?

Yea, somehow it was a restless night for me. For whatever reason for that I am in pretty good shape and bound and determined to make the best of this beautiful day. The Super Moon is in it’s third quarter and it is up in a blue sky here this morning. I have a walk in one hour from now so we have a time limit today.

Yesterday afternoon we had the most delightful walk. Catherine was here. Barbara was here with a new friend. Always good for the mix to have new blood. We had some amazing tapas and we watched Phil’s Camino with Spanish wine in hand afterward.

When you get a chance go to philscamino website and click on the “STORE”. The long awaited DVD is there for sale as well as other cool items. Everything there comes from folks involved with the movie project in one way one another.

Yup, the work week is starting out. I have two jobs to get expedited so I can start on them. Work between Thansgiving and New Year’s can be dicey with folks having their minds on the holidays and family. So, getting these two started is important and that should carry me through.

Catherine and I had a great tailgate session after church yesterday and talked of starting a new little bible study group. Maybe the Bible for Caminoheads, something like that. I get so much out of my men’s bible group that I have been attending weekly for twelve years. Yea, we recently tried the figure out how long I have been with them and came up with twelve when I thought it was more like ten. Must be having fun!

OK, need to go and get ready for my walk. Maybe see the cougar that has been around the neighborhood lately. We nick named him Billy. We have two trail cameras up outside and we need to check those, we may have a pic of the elusive guy. That would be major fun as sightings are frequent but actual images are few and far between.

That’s it for today. Super Moon loves, Felipe.

We are walking this afternoon and tomorrow morning and by then we will be in Sarria. And we all know what that means that there is 100 km to go. So, we are getting there.

We are on our winter schedule:

Monday 0900-1000
Tuesday 1530-1630
Thursday 0900-1000
Sunday 1530-1630

We have a little standing water on the trail so wear some rubber boots and you may need a rain jacket depending.

Felipe.x

It’s Sunday morning and I don’t feel especially inspired. What to do? I know that I function better when I have some spark that is exciting me. Ah, I have to get some motivation here. But it is off to Mass here in an hour. If I think of driving with Catherine and then tailgating with her at the supermarket parking lot I get a smile.

Well, then Mass itself is always good. This morning Father David is going to have us bring some thing forward from our Thanksgiving table to get blessed. For instance, I think I will take the tablecloth that we will use Thursday. That sounds like a nice tradition to start here. Ah, should explain that Father David is new at our parish and he has a new set of ideas like this one. I hope Father Marc is doing well where he is serving now. He used to wash our feet, one of his ideas. Just a thought going his way.

I see that it is time to jump in the shower and get my Sunday goin to meetin clothes on. It is still early before early Mass, time to get ready for the day. Well there, I cheered myself up thinking of the personalities that are going to populate my morning. Yes, off I go, love you too where you are, Felipe.

Great and fun day today for Sister Joyce was here to “walk” Phil’s Camino. I say “walk” because she drove the riding mower around the trail and we stopped every so often to talk and laugh. Steve, a friend from church was taking some pics of us on the trail. This all revolves around an article that Sister Joyce is writing for Salt magazine.

Then we were joined by Jim And Connie, friends from St. John Vianney’s, to watch the film in our living room. These folks are some of our oldest supporters. It was great to finally get to do a showing for them.

Just want the report that I hung out with “the boys”, my tumors, this AM. Just thought I should be there without expectations or plans, just being there. I am trying to learn something from those guys.

Well, have to run, I volunteered to help out with a church fund raiser that was held today. Kind of a churchy day today all and all. Later, love you, Felipe.

Yup, Thanksgiving right around the corner. Wasn’t it just Fourth of July? Hard to keep up with all this stuff. But I do know one thing and that is that we have some empty seats at our table so if any of you local Caminoheads need a place to go just give us a call or email. Really I’m serious, don’t be shy. I am pushing Cornish Game Hens as an idea for the meat dish. Everyone gets their own little bird for something different. But we always have cornbread stuffing, that I know for sure, super good.

Well, I am just sort of dead in the water here with my world famous blog this afternoon. One thing I need to do yet today is go to the dump with a truck load of junk. Maybe somehing will perk me up there. But for now I think that I will sign off. Take care, be thankful, love, Felipe.

What I am running into today is a surplus of metaphors for life. Yea, once again, who would have thought? It’s starting to feel like it could get creepy like a Hitchcock flick. Can’t go two feet without tripping over one, or seeing one hanging on the wall or some out the window. There’s a bunch of them right now lurking outside like vultures setting on the branches waiting to steal my attention. Yike!

Anyway, My Rebecca and I watched 50/50 last night. That’s a film about a young man that gets a cancer diagnosis and then his travels with his family, fellow patients and friends. It was good although a little raw. It covered most of the big points of the standard patient experience although not all. But all in all I thought that it did a decent job. Maybe I am asking too much of an hour and a half movie to get into everything that happens or might happen.

But taking in that film pointed out to me how blessed I have been in my cancer journey. One, my support system was and is exceptional and way above that shown. Two, my Christian faith/ spirituality I know has been vital to me and that was not in evidence in the film for the characters. I suppose my age plays into it too giving me so much more experience to draw from. Oh, I had better mention Marine Corps training. No doubt, I am blessed to have these strengths.

Well, all that makes me feel like I’m somewhat out of the norm. I mean that coping is easier for me than for someone with any less of a tool kit, like in the movie. Maybe I have the deluxe tool kit. You know me, I’m not bragging but just trying to figure it out. I am thinking out loud with you present. This blog is a long drawn out journal of a cancer journey and I intend to carry it forward to where ever it my lead and you are welcome along as always.

With this advantage and my commando attitude I feel like we have made some great progress in ideas and findings for my betterment and for the betterment of others. And what I am realizing is that there is more to come, more challenges and more overcoming. I have this premonition that we will stumble across some really amazing stuff as we “walk in the mud” along our Camino. So, stay tuned, I am getting the feeling that the best is yet to come!

Just really appreciate you being with me, love, Felipe.

Look at that beautiful miniature lettuce growing in today’s pic. I think this all started a few tapas ago. Somehow we wound up suspending the butt end of a romaine heart that was being thrown away in some little bit of moisture. It was just an experiment and look what is happening, new growth, some new life. Major fun to see this in November when the whole outdoor world is shrinking and packing up it’s tent. And here it is right in front of me as I eat my meals. I know that it will not last long but neither will I. Just a little miracle produced out of the stuff we were throwing away.

A couple of days ago I way driving on the back roads of the the Island going to a job site and came around a corner close to a bluff overlooking the water. The afternoon precious sun was pouring in and the wind was blasting in over the bluff and the wind picked up a quality of the golden leaves that littering the ground and swirled them in a whirlwind. Like a dust devil but it was a leaf devil. What a sight! And it was crossing the road and I drive through it and it rocked my little pickup, this golden whirlwind which lasted a few dozen heartbeats.

I have been thinking about my tumors lately in sort of the best terms that I can come up with. What energy they have. What tenacity they have. The conditions that we put them in week after week, month after month means they are just hanging on to the cliff face with their finger nails, so to speak. Sometimes the scan shows no growth, sometimes small growth and one tumor got smaller and smaller and disappeared over time. Overall they are sort of amazing little guys if I can look at them objectively.

There is so much we don’t understand. There is so much to see and be rocked by. There is so much to wonder about. Energy seems to pop up out of no where and cause happenings that are miracles or catastrophes depending.

November love, Felipe.