It’s my every other Tuesday and I’m at Swedish Hospital Cancer Institute again. It occurred to me recently that I don’t talk enough about my cancer. It is an important part of who I am these days and maybe today is the day to work on that since I am here at the epicenter.

But first my whole morning has been lovely. Like the weather is beautiful, the traffic was reasonable, I got all my errands done and things just generally ran smoothly like maybe this is my kind of day. Which is great really because I have been a little burned out by the hospital routine as of late and sort of forcing myself to smile about it. And today the universe is conspiring to treat me well even with my grumpy attitude, how nice.

This is delightful actually as I am in a good mood to tackle this hard topic. Well, let’s forge ahead then with such an auspicious beginning how can I go wrong? Cancer, yes.

Well, it’s not cancer in general but just my version, which I can talk about. I can talk about my experience mixing with other patients who have a variety of situations that I know little about medically. And really I know little about my cancer either. I mean by that that I could be way more studious and read up about studies and research. But I have a life to live and trust my doctors and nurses to cover my backside.

The basic idea, my modus operandi, is that I have to know that yes I do have cancer, yes, but at the same time with that in place, I can’t let cancer define me. I think that I have to accept it totally to be able to be free of it this way. It is a workable situation for me.

So, the cancer was the catalyst for ninety five percent of what is going on in my life now but remarkable it only takes up five percent of my consciousness. I have to say that another way. Cancer knocked me off my horse, so to speak, but I got right back on another, a superior one. Life goes on for me in a better way really.

How that happened and what that is is a long story that hopefully the documentary will get into. Maybe that will explain it to me too, haha. Well, I still haven’t talked about my cancer but I have talked about it as an instrument of change and the ultimate challenge is how to make that good change.

Change for the better loves, Felipe.