(Photo R Angert)
Intimacy & Vulnerability or Waking Up With You Today.
What is it about our Camino that brings the word intimacy into focus? How does the Creator reveal intimacy? Is there a reward for vulnerability? What can we take from the intimacy we experience along that path in Spain and spread it around?
Lots of questions, let’s look for some answers.
If you had the pleasure of walking a Camino you likely remember the way Spanish people greet one another. The standard two kiss greetings shared with a woman you know, the hugs that men share readily and sharing personal space. ‘Abrazo fuerte’ (strong hugs) is a very standard closing line to letters, like ‘Sincerely’ is in the US. I just looked at an email from our Spanish teacher and she ended it with ‘Un besazo y un abrazo enorme.’ After living here for a year we are comfortable with these hugs, kisses and words but now it is curtailed as part of healthy practices. It must be hard for Spanish people to meet their friends and skip those greetings.
Intimacy is a sign of caring and requires vulnerability. We are taught to hide it except for a few family members and spouses. But looking at God’s word I see how intimacy and vulnerability are expected. The church is called the Bride of Christ. God is Our Father. Christ is The Son of Man. Other believers are Brother and Sister. These roles and titles sound to me like family – intimacy and vulnerability should be the norm.
Can it be the norm? In my Camino experience I found myself falling in love with a lot of people. I was a 67 year old happily married American guy and here I was having very middle-school-gushy feelings about a lot of people I’d only known for an hour or so. Some didn’t speak any English so our communications were body language, smiles, laughter, shared meal table, sleeping in the same room and listening to the same people snore. And I sensed that they were feeling the same. But I was feeling guilty.
I’m glad to report that I got over the guilt after a few days. I did not die from continuous overdoses of oxytocin, though I am now addicted. I am able to talk about intimacy and vulnerability honestly with friends and appreciate the reactions. But now that I’m not walking the Camino per se, how do I apply that learning outcome to ‘regular life’?
How do we love our neighbor as ourself? How do we even love ourself? And love the stranger? And the enemy? These weren’t in the footnotes, they come to us in the main text supporting the statement that God is Love.
I think the answer may include Waking Up With You (and Ourselves) Today. I’d love to see your answers to these questions in the comments.
In Wake Up Love,
Ronaldo
Querido Ron,
What a goosebump-ing post! (Phil knows I like to make up words that I think languages lack…!)
I know what you are talking about when you refer to the close and affectionate body language. I am a compulsive hugger. And here the culture is to be “physical”… here even men kiss among them. And it is such a way to show so many things… A couple weeks ago, I was having a conversation with my doctor, a sort of “online” appointment, and as sometimes happens, a symptom leads to something else, and the something else to “how are you sleeping?”, and we fell in a profound conversation that was quite moving. We ended it, and 5 minutes after he texted me saying he was sorry he couldn’t hug me when saying good bye after an “appointment” like the one we had. This is a 60 something man, who is a cardiologist, that I have seen for several years now, but I see him twice a year maximum… That is the kind of intimacy and vulnerability we sometimes create… It is in our latino-Spanish-Italian genetics…
Over the years, particularly in the last 10, as I have traveled more and because of my job, I have met lots of people from other cultures, it is interesting to me to see and experience how they relax when I “screw up” and I may kiss them or hug them spontaneously…!!! Some actually are waiting for me to hug people… (a friend of mine, former work colleague, a professor in Princeton) use to tell me that I have to travel more often so he can receive hugs… and we laugh, but actually, it is a bit sad…
The hugging and the kissing are what I am most concerned about with the virus… taking away those actions are such a big part of who we are… even the “mate”… it is such a way of showing our “welcoming” being… and as you know, we share the straw… so all that the virus is taking away from us affects the core of our being…
But, this too shall pass, and meanwhile, we will try to be more of a wordsmith, although, the neuroscience and neurobiology tells that what our emotions run in our body and not our brains!
Abrazos fuerte!!!
Y Beso GRANDE!
Cris
Yes, the restrictions on touching have a different impact than in the culture I come from in the US. All this hugging and kissing is very good and attracted me to living here. I see it as a major part of the well-being formula. I’m not a big user of hashtags, but I coined one with my Camino family, #HTL which stands for Hug Too Long. You know, the time it takes to Really feel the connection and released some of that ‘feel good’ chemistry.
#HTL,
Ronaldo
Me encantó!!!! Lovit!!!
#HTL!!!!
Cris
Ahhhh, Ronaldo, what a beautiful post! Thank you! I can’t help but think of something I heard at church many years ago. The idea that the word “intimacy” is really “Into me I see.” You have to have the idea that there is only One of us here for it to truly make sense. You know, as in we are all just emanations of God, I am you and you are me, but with different clothes on, haha! ANyway, your post made me think of that phrase, “Into me I see.” Thank you! Buen Camino! Sending love across the miles, and a big thank you to Cris and her beautiful comments, too.
I LOVE this translation of “intimacy” to “into me I see”… how wise is that???!!!
Thank you for sharing, Annie! I need to talk to The Boss, or The Man as you say, to create a “Caminoheads dictionary”… we have to capture the meaning of these words we stumble upon from time to time!
Looking forward to seeing you today!
Pilgrims Tables loves,
Cris