My Rebecca exclaimed that last evening at dinner after we were talking about several friends who were deep in their cancer challenges. And I said, “Well, there must be some reason for it.” Like there is some reason for mosquitos, but who the heck knows on that one. A part of the web of life I guess, that you can’t separate out.

At the Cancer Treatment Center parking lot there are a few bumper stickers and window decals that express nasty things that people want to do to cancer. Yea, totally understand the sentiment. Throw one at it for me!

But I was up at zero dark thirty mediating and getting in touch and a few ideas came to me then that are definitely blog material. I wrote down a few notes to remind me of the thread. Sometimes I don’t write stuff down and lose it. I suppose not to worry as it goes into some brain bin somewhere for recovery later, maybe.

Yes, we can hate cancer, of course. Hate, hate, hate away, somebody has to do it I suppose. But suppose we were to take that energy and do something else with it. I guess I should speak for myself here. Personally, I realize that I have only so much energy. What to do with a finite amount becomes something to work out. Somehow I have chosen to try to observe it, cancer, to run reconnaissance on it. Somehow “battling cancer” is not my way or it is not what I am doing now, although we hear that phrase everywhere.

I was trying to explain this stance to Sister Joyce at our last meeting. She put the words “active resignation” on it. OK, that will do for now.

My present thought is that cancer is a expression of our own untidiness, our own chaos, our own craziness. It represents an incredible challenge to our sense of ourselves, personally and collectively. We/I have to admit a lot of stuff to get that.

To buoy me up I got a beautiful email form Gracie in Australia yesterday and another from another Camino buddy Mary Margaret this AM. Thanks guys, can’t do without you, love, Felipe.