All posts by CrisM

Not everything is lost (and more about gardens)

Corn closeup
(photo P Volker)

Dear Caminoheads,

 

Ron, our BC from Astorga and Ann posted this text from Naomi Shihab Nye in FB… I knew this text since before, even had it recorded read by a wonderful Dharma teacher, and for a year, I adopted the practice of finding who this “woman” (or man) of the story could be, no matter which situation I was in. This is a great reminder to start that practice once again… Enjoy!

 

Wandering around the Albuquerque Airport Terminal, after learning my flight had been delayed four hours, I heard an announcement: “If anyone in the vicinity of Gate A-4 understands any Arabic, please come to the gate immediately.” Well — one pauses these days. Gate A-4 was my own gate. I went there.
An older woman in full traditional Palestinian embroidered dress, just like my grandma wore, was crumpled to the floor, wailing. “Help,” said the flight agent. “Talk to her. What is her problem? We told her the flight was going to be late and she did this.”
I stooped to put my arm around the woman and spoke haltingly.
“Shu-dow-a, Shu-bid-uck Habibti? Stani schway, Min fadlick, Shu-bit-se-wee?” The minute she heard any words she knew, however poorly used, she stopped crying. She thought the flight had been cancelled entirely. She needed to be in El Paso for major medical treatment the next day. I said, “No, we’re fine, you’ll get there, just later, who is picking you up? Let’s call him.”
We called her son, I spoke with him in English. I told him I would stay with his mother till we got on the plane and ride next to
her. She talked to him. Then we called her other sons just for the fun of it. Then we called my dad and he and she spoke for a while in Arabic and found out of course they had ten shared friends. Then I thought just for the heck of it why not call some Palestinian poets I know and let them chat with her? This all took up two hours.
She was laughing a lot by then. Telling of her life, patting my knee, answering questions. She had pulled a sack of homemade mamool cookies — little powdered sugar crumbly mounds stuffed with dates and nuts — from her bag — and was offering them to all the women at the gate. To my amazement, not a single woman declined one. It was like a sacrament. The traveler from Argentina, the mom from California, the lovely woman from Laredo — we were all covered with the same powdered sugar. And smiling. There is no better cookie. And then the airline broke out free apple juice from huge coolers and two little girls from our flight ran around serving it and they were covered with powdered sugar, too.
And I noticed my new best friend — by now we were holding hands — had a potted plant poking out of her bag, some medicinal thing, with green furry leaves. Such an old country tradition. Always carry a plant. Always stay rooted to somewhere.
And I looked around that gate of late and weary ones and I thought, This is the world I want to live in. The shared world. Not a single person in that gate — once the crying of confusion stopped— seemed apprehensive about any other person. They took the cookies. I wanted to hug all those other women, too.
This can still happen anywhere. Not everything is lost.
~ Naomi Shihab Nye

Friendship II

Oldies’ pic from Austin TX. Annie, My Rebecca and Felipé. (Photo unknown)

 

Dear Caminoheads,

 

Writing today’s post is being very difficult, my whole body is vibrating trying to tell me something, but sometimes, there are no words to name what we experience. My mind is full of scattered thoughts. And my heart probably is the only one focused on one single thing: love.

 

Some of us (and I wish it could have been the whole world) had the privilege today to sit in a zoom call organized by Annie (O’Neil) where Phil and Rebecca were present. At a moment there were 94 people in the reunion (even one facetiming through the screen of another because couldn’t make the zoom link work). The folks were covering all the time zones and hemispheres: all North American region from West Coast, midlands and East Coast from Baja to Canada; European “midnighters” in England and Spain; folks already living on Sunday morning joining from Australia and New Zealand; me here, in the south of South America, and a very special guest in “space”. The age group went from 8 to 80 years old.

 

 

Some “things” don’t have an explanation, they just happen. And all we have to do is to let them in, take them in, absorbe them in all the biological ways: through the skin and mind, let them act changing our hormones and physiology, and let the healing happen. The healing could be called “a miracle”, but to me, the “miracle” is having been lucky enough to be invited to “that thing”, whichever has been the way we got the invitation, and decide to play an active role towards it. 

 

 

As I wrote the other day, David Whyte has put the perfect words to “what means” “this thing” that we have been invited to:

 

“… the ultimate touchstone (of friendship) is witness, the privilege of having been seen by someone and the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence of another, to have walked with them and to have believed in them, and sometimes just to have accompanied them for however brief a span, on a journey impossible to accomplish alone.” Excerpt of “Friendship” by David Whyte, from “Consolations book”.

 

Today, we incarnated these words in a “snail” (or spiral or pastries with cinnamon and raisins) that have Phil and Rebecca at its center, and then evolves as chain of connections with each of the people who were in the zoom, who have watched Annie’s movies, who have walked the Camino, who read this blog, who are a neighbor to the Caminoheads neighborhood, and expands to our daily lives.

 

My whole body continues vibrating trying to tell me something. My mind continues full of scattered thoughts. But my heart continues focused on one single thing: love.

And this “stay in line” with an immense appreciation to Annie (O’Neil) -and “her village”- who made “Phil’s Camino” movie and through it, allowing most of us to have Phil and Rebecca as companions “on this journey impossible to accomplish alone”.

 

Cris

Mother Natures Beauty (by William, our CCBC)

 

I consider it an Honour and a Privilege to be Blessed with Good Health that allows me to walk outdoors and Admire the Beauty of My Love, “Mother Nature”.

 

Here I offer a small example of what has come before my eyes so far this Autumn 2021.

 

The stunning yellow and gold of the Larch (Tamarack) Quaking Aspen and Poplar trees.

 

The Majesty of the Canadian Rocky Mountains with their first new snow of the season.

 

Brilliant blue sky and fresh mountain air………………

 

Flowers/Wildlife………

 

The JOY of being Alive……….

 

Solvitur Ambulando.

Your C.C.B.C.

( Caminoheads Canadian Bureau Chief.)

William.

We should start talking about gardens…

Dear Caminoheads,

All I am going to say is that today I had the most amazing conversation of the year.

And I will leave you with this song of Jorge Drexler, this Uruguayan singer and poet -who I hope all of you have given a chance to listen already! This song speaks so much of what this conversation was about, but also about what we might be doing “here”.

 

I'm here
on the way
I am a passenger
I don't want to take anything
nor use the world as an ashtray
I'm here without a name
And without knowing my whereabouts
I just have been given accommodation
In the oldest of the nurseries
If I would like to go back
I would no longer know to where
I ask the gardener 
and the gardener does not respond to me
There are people who belong to a certain place
That's not my case
I'm here
on the way
Does the sea move the moon
Or does the moon move the tides?
Are we born who we are
Or are we who we make ourselves into? 
I am here, perplexed
I'm just all ears
If I am lucky enough, 
I will be here for three billion of my heartbeats
If I would like to go back 
I would no longer know to when
The gardener himself must be wondering
There are people who belong to a certain place
That's not my case 
I'm here 
on the way

"Tres mil millones de latidos" by Jorge Drexler (my very rough translation)

Give it a chance, love

Cris

 

Camino Gifts: Here, there and everywhere

A sign on the Camino to offer encouragement.
(source unknown)

Dear Caminoheads,

Yesterday something went wrong and the post didn’t come up… I also promised to call a VIP and couldn’t make it, and also the roof of the parking lot of our building was blown away by a strong wind. Yeap. We also had the fire. Oh, and did I say a guy smashed my car a couple weeks ago after 6 years without a single scratch? Yeap. Sometimes just life gets entangled.

 

But, what I was going to post yesterday is something The Boss wrote. Something I told him when I read the blog book truly touch me. And when I read his poem we posted a few days ago, and I thought of my arrival to Santiago, and read the comments from Michelle, Nancy, Steve-O, Catherine, Robbi, and all…I thought of this post too.

 

Enjoy. Reflect. Love.

 

Little gifts are coming at me. I am doing my best to catch them and to examine them and be thankful for each. These are realizations resulting from seeing my surroundings, physical and otherwise, from new viewpoints, new perspectives, I think.

Remember when we were walking and we were in the middle of nowhere, and we were in that stage between pain earlier and tiredness later. That’s right, the giddy stage. We had mastered pain for the time being and we still had plenty of energy left to walk and learn about each other. We talked and we had time and we explored each other. Is that sounding too weird to say?

 

Somehow in that process I was not only hearing your story but magically I became your story. And maybe you became my story, I don’t know for sure. I was seeing things through your eyes is maybe a more conventional way to say it but it was stronger than that. It was more than an intellectual understanding. And maybe when one does this with enough people you just get the ability to lose yourself which I think is what I am experiencing now.

And this is part of being a Caminohead, don’t you think? And maybe part of the reason I think so much of you. SJA, Phil.

 

Love all

Cris

Santiago

One wet happy pilgrim. Pict by Luke, 05Oct2014

 

Dear Caminoheads,

10 years ago today, and again 3 years later, on a 5th of October, I arrived to Santiago.

Below is what I wrote 1 year after I set out for the first time, a bit more than 9 years ago. It is pretty amazing to realize I wouldn’t change a word…

 

 

As a Pilgrim I trust in people and I know there is a lot of people out there offering their help and their hearts. I am open to the things they offer without judgement, I try to recognize they are a fellow traveller (some of them starting their journey, some of them in the middle, some of them not yet started), I try to have in mind that not everybody has had the advantages that I have had (even when there were the sad events in my life that pushed me to my journey, but also the amazing companions I met to guide me -among so many other things-).
As a Pilgrim I am sure I do not need too many things to be happy: just a good pair of walking shoes, a comfortable backpack, and allow the time to stop and have the “cafe con leche con tostadas” in the early morning.
As a Pilgrim I know there are yellow arrows everywhere the point is to be attentive enough to see them (even in the Camino where the arrows were painted, we lost the path several times).
As a Pilgrim I learnt:
-The fellow pilgrims are the best gift we can receive.
-The walking starts with the first step.
-You have to wish the Camino to be long (Konstantino Kavafis)
-Everywhere is walking distance if you allow the time.
-The answers come when it is time to understand them (Rilke).
-There is no road, the road is made by walking (Antonio Machado).
-Being attentive is a great attitude.
As a Pilgrim I experienced that the walking was not always thru stunning landscapes, easy fields, sunny and warm days, nice albergues, or nice hospitaleros, though, we kept walking and eventually, we arrived to Santiago. Then, life has not to be different: eventually, we arrive where we are expected (as it is in the cover of “The elephant´s journey” from Saramago, referring to the book of the itineraries).
In the Camino I learnt that if you ARE a pilgrim, you are a Pilgrim for ever.
Today, one year after setting out to my (first) Camino, I need and want to thank to the fellow Pilgrims I met there for helping in my healing.
I want to thank also to the Pilgrims I met before my Camino who have walked with me in some of the most difficult parts of my life and listened, were there, and ended with wet t-shirts after having cried in repeated times while they were holding me.
And I want to thank also to the fellow Pilgrims I met after my Camino, as they are the confirmation that what I learnt and experienced and knew in my walking to Santiago, occurs in the world itself.

Buen Camino!

Cris

Who am I?

A younger Cris seeing her oldest nephew for the first time, when he was only 2 hours old, 26Jun2007

Dear Caminoheads,

There is a post “tailgaiting” in my mind about that question, and has been going for a few weeks. Yet, between a comment from “our” Rebecca (Phil’s Rebecca) in the post on the day of her birthday, some words from the prose on friendship written by David Whyte posted yesterday, something Steve-O wrote too, the post about the Camino from a few days ago, and a text message from my Brazilian father this weekend, I thought to write “another version” of the post I thought for that question.

 

And it has to be with mirrors and witnesses. Who are we for us? and Who are we for the others? Here, I may get into a “translation problem” because what I am trying to reflect on is the answer to the “who” with “the person we are” and not “who” “with the relationship/role we have, etc.”

 

What am I trying to say…? Let me see if I can write an example (because I guess I am reflecting on this as I write here too). There is a Cris that I see in the mirror every morning, or every time I brush my teeth and wash my hands and turn on the camera in the zoom; this is the same I criticize harshly most of the time, and this Cris has a job, and pay bills, and do laundry, and feel life is a mess. My Brazilian father praises me highly, he sees me as “a passionate health professional working in a challenging field I love”, he feels proud that I am an independent woman who can live by herself and who is also able to clean her house and in his concept of life, that is essential to treat all individuals with the same dignity (once we know what it takes to do any job); and while he first met me as a teenager, there is no conversation where he doesn’t tell me how proud he is of the person I was able to be given my what we had to live as children.

 

You see? My Brazilian father and I “see” the same person, but while I am the person, he has been a witness to me living my life. Somehow, he has a perspective obtained along years of walking by my side that I don’t have; he has more memory than I have, and no doubt, he loves me lots.

 

And all of this is definitely great, but I am not here to tell you how great I am, believe me, I am not. I am here to reflect with you all on the importance of “seeing” others, of being witnesses of their lives…, the ones we have around, our friends, our spouses, children, work colleagues, family members, adoptive family members, neighbors, homeless we see every day in the corner. And whenever possible, share with them what we see on them, who we think they are, what we feel for them. With the pandemic, at the very beginning, we said that the lives of the others were in our hands, remember that? That has always been true…

 

A love that sees, Love

Cris

Friendship

Phil and Steve-O, It is just a ‘guy friendship’ with, as Carl Rogers put it, “authentic unconditional regard”, both ways.

Dear Caminoheads,

 

These days (and weeks and months and years) have been intense, 50 shades of intense I could say. Yesterday, I spent time with 5 friends. It started with spending a bit more than 1 hour in the car with my 96 years old neighbor -who is now my friend- as my co-pilot, as I was driving him to his 91 years old sister’s house, so he could visit her. From there, I went not far away to have breakfast with 2 of my work colleagues: one is leaving to Switzerland on 21Oct after a horrific year with her mother’s illness, and the other to Frankfurt after losing her father to Covid (just before the vaccines were available here, and being her one of those who helped in the development of one of the vaccines…). Then, I had lunch with another of my friends from the office, the person who interviewed me almost 16 years ago and gave me a chance to get into clinical research, and became one great friend. Then, I went to pick up my neighbor to bring him home, and on the way back, I paid a “Doctor’s visit” to a friend of mine who is a priest, so I could drop him some books (and my neighbor was telling me how much he wanted a blessing!)

 

Probably yesterday was the best day of the year for me. My friends are the only relationships I have in this country right now. They are my roots also. And equally important, they are the ones who see me, who are witness to my live in my joys and my struggles, and are there for me even when I don’t feel like being with myself.

 

Today, I got a beautiful email. And it resonated in my heart in a way that hours later, I can sense the echos… I think it is only fair to post a piece of this majestic prose about “Friendship” in the book “Consolations”. If you aren’t familiar with the whole prose, look for it and read it several times, it does require some contemplation. And I do very much deeply wish you, that you bring “your friend” in mind and whisper “Thank you”.

 

FRIENDSHIP (excerpts, by David Whyte, from Consolations book)

“… Friendship not only helps us to see ourselves through another’s eyes, but can be sustained over the years only with someone who has repeatedly forgiven us…

A friend knows our difficulties and shadows and remains in sight, a companion to our vulnerabilities more than our triumphs, when we are under the strange illusion we do not need them…

In the course of the years a close friendship will always reveal the shadow in the other as much as ourselves, to remain friends we must know the other and their difficulties and even their sins and encourage the best in them, not through critique but through addressing the better part of them, …

Friendship transcends disappearance: an enduring friendship goes on after death, the exchange only transmuted by absence, the relationship advancing and maturing in a silent internal conversational way even after one half of the bond has passed on.

But no matter the medicinal virtues of being a true friend or sustaining a long close relationship with another, the ultimate touchstone of friendship… is witness, the privilege of having been seen by someone and the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence of another, to have walked with them and to have believed in them, and sometimes just to have accompanied them for however brief a span, on a journey impossible to accomplish alone.”

 

Friends like those, Love,

Cris

News From The Ranch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A Poem

Wine, bread and water.
(photo P Volker)

 

Got a pocketful of morphine and a five dollar bill.

I am here.

I am there.

I am everywhere.

Would you please put a slice of onion on that please.

 

Phil Volker October 2, 2021.

 

Posted by Cris on behalf of Phil, Felipe, The Boss, The General

Celebration of our human life II

My Favorite Kelly pic from the Camino.

Dear Caminoheads,

Ten years ago, and then again seven years ago, I was 5 days away from arriving to Santiago. This is the first year though, that I have not thought even once that ten and seven years ago, I was in Spain walking the Camino at this very same time. But today, I did.

 

Today I remembered something I was told while walking in Spain in 2011 by someone I had not met before and I don’t think I met or saw again. Like every day (and for the first 11 days), within 15-20 minutes of walking, I would start crying. At the beginning it was so odd, almost embarrassing, but somehow I got used to it because there was nothing I could do, and I couldn’t figure out why either, it would just happened.  That day, it was the very early morning, this man passed by my side, he saw I was crying and then he said: “Don´t be afraid of crying, you will always have tears, don´t save them for later, crying is also a wonderful experience, a wonderful way to express your feelings, ensure you cry everytime you feel like.”

 

Along with what I wrote the other day about the opportunity we have in the Camino to just be who we are and the comment from Catherine to dig deeper into those lines, one of the other things the Camino offers us is the opportunity to be rawer, we are in a state of vulnerability to beauty, to danger, to solitude, to so many things that go unnoticed in our daily lives, that maybe that is what brought me to tears.

 

It may well be too that in our daily lives, at times we are in a state of “learned helplessness”, as if we learned that whatever we do, the outcomes are the same, and independent of our responses, and after a while, we give up our attempts trying to escape the cycle… so… why would we cry?... (clearly, this is way WAY more complex).

 

The Camino brings perspective. And at the same time, removes some superficial layers, some of them an armor, some of them or learnings. And there we are… crying, weeping, emotional, as we walk.

 

Stay amazed loves,

Cris