This is my Wednesday to be back at the treatment center for my, well, treatment. Donna my nurse today got me a great spot with a huge orange rhododendron just out the window. Yea, extra credit for her.
Just ordered a thousand balloons from partypro.com . Makes me feel like a real party pro for sure. Archery targets for summer shooters. Nobody doesn’t like to hear balloons pop, young, old and inbetween.
Man, we have a variety of topics going off today. What’s next hockey, politics, Washington State wine. Not very focused today at Caminoheads. But some days are like this and we have to go with it.
So Kelly and Rick and Rick’s granddaughter Zoe are on the Camino Frances right now as I write. Haven’t heard much from them but really wasn’t thinking I would. Leave them alone to their adventures is how I am thinking about it. A couple of pics would be great.
Oh, since we are have a newsletter today, one of my buddies here at the hospital stopped by and had his lunch here with me. He and his wife just had a new baby and they are moving to Cleveland. Yea, folks coming and going. I am going to miss him.
OK, just got released. Time to make the 3 o’clock ferry. See you tomorrow, love, Felipe.
It’s my Camino I guess. A friend informed me of his diagnosis yesterday evening. It is 95% heartbreak and that can seem downright overwhelming. But somehow we fight our way to the surface and begin to pick up the pieces of our lives maybe.
What is my role in all this I am continually asking myself. There is the documentary and people say that I inspire them which is a good thing. But having face to face encounters with suffering takes thinking on one’s feet in the present moment and lots of energy. I am learning to be a better listener and to be better at just being present to people in their states. And it is a balance between listening and yet not getting swamped by negativity and pointing out that pesky 5%.
What is that 5% really and why is it important? I am feeling it is hope. Hope that things will work out one way or another. There is always room for it. And one needs it to foster a rock solid belief that they are bigger than this situation. Yes, that is good. But then again it is not all something that one can accomplish on one’s own. Being bigger means that one recognizes that they are small in and of themselves. Small is not a bad thing it just is. What makes us big is our connections.
Sorry, I guess I am thinking out loud here. Not everything that I just think of is ready for prime time. But nevertheless this is a good track. This is a good line of thought because we all have times when we have to deal with suffering face to face. How do we tend to that friend who is standing in front of us trying to deal with that dreaded diagnosis.
OK, well that’s all a bit heavy. Let’s not leave each other is a dark mood. Ah, it is a beautiful day outside, a gift to us. And we have today no matter how many days the doctor has given us, that’s important. Love in the 5%, Felipe.
I think that it is time for the laughing Jesus again.
Man the corn is popping out of the ground. Heehe. Have to get the sunflowers in next. That is only one row so no big deal. Ah, what a great time of year.
I wanted to give you some words from Hiking the Camino before I put it back on the shelf. We and we at this blog are forever talking about the why, and the how and the what of the Camino. Apparently we are going to go on forever. Here is the Father’s take:
“In the end my student was correct. The Camino is Jesus. In moments of grace I was able to see Him in every step I took. But a funny thing has happened: I still see Him. I see Him in places where I did not recognize Him before and experience Him in ways that I missed in the past. I have come to understand more fully that all of life reveals Jesus.
Of course He was always there: It is not He who has changed but rather I. I continually pray that my life my be a reflection of His.” Father Dave Pivonka.
Yea, that is so nice. We will talk of it again soon after it sinks in. OK, speaking of Caminos, it is time for his cowboy to get up and going. Got ten minutes before I get to walk on this beautiful day. This is the kind of day I would dream about in the rain of the winter. And here it is! Hiking loves, Felipe.
It’s Pentecost Sunday today. It’s a celebration of the coming of the Holy Spirit into the lives of Mary and the Apostles. The Holy Spirit comes to be an advocate or guide for them and for us. This is what Jesus meant when he said that he was leaving us but he wouldn’t leave us orphaned. The Holy Spirit has gifts for us:
“He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard – things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.” Galatians 5: 22-23 from The Message.
Yup, I think that you can find plenty of things in there that remind us of the Camino and of people and events there. We were lucky to have had the opportunity to go and have that rub off on us. Not that that is the only place to find it but it sure seems concentrated there. And then we learn to see it other places afterward, to recognize it.
Have to leave and get out to the corn, my little babies call. Thanks for stopping by. Caminoheads is here for you. Recognizing loves, Felipe.
The electric fence is clicking away telling me it is still working. Just got it installed last evening. I’m out here early work amongst my little baby corns, aren’t they cute? And I am also writing this post from out there in the early morning elements.
My hands are awfully dirty but I don’t think my I Pad will abject. A hummingbird just buzzing around next to me, checking things out. A friend just called with some Hebrew wisdom. He heard I was out in the corn and he said, “You know the Lord is wherever you are thinking about him.” Thank you Stephen. I’ll have to admit that I really wasn’t thinking about him but am fussing over the thinning and transplanting. OK, back at it.
Well, there a quarter of it is done and it was the worst quarter. I got high hopes for this crop and of having a good looking roadside stand. I missed doing it last year but there was so much going on with chasing around the country with the film. OK, back at it.
Late afternoon now. I was gone for a while but just got another quarter done, thinning and transplanting. I am trying to water the heck out of it to helps those transplants.
Mass tomorrow morning and then I will come back and tackle the last quarter.
Well let’s see, I can watch the sprinkler go around or I can get back to the house and watch Stanley Cup Finals and sample a beer. What to do? Actually a third alternative occurred and fell asleep in the shade. OK, enough of this, I’m getting thirsty.
I’ve got two things on my mind this morning. That’s not uncommon, right? One is about the beginning of life and the other about the end.
First, I am very excited to announce that the corn is up! It is just shooting out of the ground. I just soaked the seed a few days and planted it last Saturday and the stuff is mostly an inch tall. Yeh! Now it is a race with the deer. I see tracks out there but I don’t think they recognize it as food yet, too small, knock on wood. The race being get all the fence installed before the deer recognize the tummies. So this is a story about the beginning of life. This field was a soggy mess a month ago and now look, new life.
And also, I wanted to give you a letter from author Brian Doyle who passed away recently at 60 from a brain tumor. My Rebecca saw him at Seattle U at a writer’s conference and raved about him so he is on my radar. I read one of his books also, although can’t recall the title. Anyway, it is very elegant and quirky, just the way we like things.
“Dear Coherent Mercy: thanks. Best life ever.
Personally I never thought a cool woman would come close to understanding me, let alone understanding me but liking me anyway, but that happened!
And You and I both remember that doctor in Boston saying polite but businesslike that we would not have children but then came three children fast and furious!
And no man ever had better friends, and no man ever had a happier childhood and wilder brothers and a sweeter sister, and I was that rare guy who not only loved but liked his parents and loved sitting and drinking tea and listening to them!
And You let me write some books that weren’t half bad, and I got to have a career that actually no kidding helped some kids wake up to their best selves, and no one ever laughed more at the ocean of hilarious things in this world, or gaped more in astonishment at the wealth of miracles everywhere every moment.
I could complain a little right here about the long years of back pain and the occasional awful heartbreak, but Lord, those things were infinitesimal against the slather of gifts You gave mere me, a muddle of a man, so often selfish and small. But no man was ever more grateful for Your profligate generosity, and here at the very end, here in my last lines, I close my eyes and weep with joy that I was alive, and blessed beyond measure, and might well be headed back home to the incomprehensible Love from which I came, mewling, many years ago.
But hey, listen, can I ask one last favor? If I am sent back for another life, can I meet my lovely bride again? In whatever form? Could we be hawks, or otters maybe? And can we have the same kids again if possible? And if I get one friend again, can I have my buddy Pete? He was a huge guy in this life–make him the biggest otter ever and I’ll know him right away, okay?
Thanks, Boss. Thanks from the bottom of my heart. See You soon.
Remember–otters. Otters rule. And so: amen.”
OK, Alperfect once again, beginning and ending loves, Felipe.
Twice this last week I actually put in a good word for cancer. Or I elevated it to its rightful place. Or I tried to be truthful about it without the usual all out fear that we give to it. I can’t articulate my attempts exactly but they come from a need for clarity. Yes, clarity is a good start I think.
A friend had said that cancer causes your hair to fall out. I countered, no chemo makes your hair fall out. I suppose he was right if you lump the whole problem together, cause and side effects. But really our hair falling out comes from our clumsy attempt to fight cancer. I often say twenty years from now we will look back on chemotherapy as a primitive and barbaric practice but it is all we have right now. Well it is one of the important tools.
Just a side note that it is always funny how the hair falling out is the side effect that people in general focus on. There are so many things that a patient contends with and hair is not one of the hard ones. I know women have a harder time with it but men, heck it is style now for us.
And the other instance of me “sticking up for cancer” is someone asked if my cancer was in remittance. I have never heard that word come out of a doctor’s or nurse’s mouth concerning me. Not that it isn’t a possibility but the chance seems remote at best. But I laughed at the person’s question and said no it is my copilot. It was said jokingly but really it is in some ways accurate.
This all may seem strange and unusual to someone not armpit deep in this problem but after years of thinking on it and reflecting and dealing with it I am lead to many unusual places. None of it is normal, in the sense that normal generally equates with cancer free. But strangely enough, now I see, it also equates to “fighting cancer”. Those may be the old fight or flight categories. Somehow I am dwelling in a third space .
I hope that this makes slight sense. I have to go. Of course we will continue this at some point. Thanks, love, Felipe.
The seeder that I used for the first time this year. Pretty good little gizmo.Corn looking north.And looking south.
It is going to rain this evening. I have been watering the corn for the past few days but maybe can hold off on that today. Next thing to do is plant a row of sunflowers. They are a nice addition to the plot and to the roadside stand coming in July. The goldfinches will be happy too. Nothing better than happy goldfinches.
I have to remember to take a bag of corn out of the freezer this morning. Corn salad with peppers and onions is a favorite of mine. This is last year’s crop feeding us.
Working on getting some kind of protection against the deer and raccoons next. Last year the Wild Kingdom ( the deer and raccoons ) pretty much grabbed what the weeds didn’t smother. I have to do a much better job of fencing and weed control this summer to have some crop left.
So, toward the last week of August through most of the month of September we will have our fresh sweet corn on the cob ready for you. That is blackberry season too, just in case that is not enough. Late summer the time of abundance, high cotton, the livin is easy, stop by.
Yup, time to go, get stuff done. The best to you today, glad you could make it. Love, Felipe.
Hiking the Camino is a book by Father Dave Pivonka. I am reading it now, a gift from Sherie from San Diego. It is subtitled 500 Miles With Jesus. This is at least the second trail book that I have read by a priest. Also read one by Nun Rupp from Iowa. I am trying to remember her first name, Joyce maybe, Chemohead me.
When a priest or a nun writes a book about the Camino different things come up. They may start with the same beginning point or stimulus but they wind up going further or to different places than me or you. I suppose that is to be expected. But it is fun and productive to read their thoughts on daily walking.
There was a whole chapter on the daily clothes washing ritual. And that turns into a thoughtful commentary on the Sacrament of Confession or Reconciliation as it is known today. I learned something in that chapter and it is the thing that is salient so far in the book.
This priest, Father Dave, traveled with his whole “priest kit” whatever that is called. He helped celebrate Mass in churches as he went along. See right there the word “celebrate” in conjunction with the word Mass is a good thing that I am learning from him. Felipe just goes to Mass, at least he did in the past. I get “celebrate” and I will use it in the future. But back to Father Dave and him choosing to go with all his gear to function on the trail as he did at home. I have heard of some priests who go under cover, just traveling anonymously or privately maybe.
Ah, then there is Nurse Dave. This is one of my nurses from the treatment center that just finished in Santiago. He had a pic of his Compostela or Camino diploma on FB. I am so proud of him for doing it. I wrote “thank you” to him. Can’t wait to see him in person.
OK, have to go and move some wood before the rain comes. Chilly morning here. Take care dear ones, love Felipe.
