Here I am camped out at the Rectory with the Padre and Annie and Carol.  It is not often that we have this crew together.  So, things are cooking.  We are having a relaxing day so far after the showing of SFSG last evening when we were working and that was the main reason for making the journey in the first place.

We were at St Angela’s in Pacific Grove for the film event.  There were easy hundred folks who came to see the show.  They sat and cried and laughed through the film and a great QandA afterward.  Very interesting to get feedback from the audience to our “new”  product.

Maybe there is a parallel to my relationship with two pilgrimages, one to Santiago and one to Lourdes, and with the two versions of Phil’s Camino.   I become so sort of loyal to the former in each case and then there is a new kid on the block and I have to make room for that.  Not only make room but try and encompass it see it for what it is by itself and then integrate it.

I have been wrestling with the two pilgrimages if you have been reading lately.  Yes, I am loyal to the old and I have to make room for the new.  And I am seeing the same problem or challenge should I say with the two films.  This is very clarifying, thank you.

Off to conversation,  love,  Felipe.

So, glad that Annie called last evening and let me know that I am flying out today and not tomorrow.   Guess I was too busy to attend to important details.  So, flying on Friday and flying back on Sunday with Pacific Grove in between.  

Really looking forward to having the Padre with us.  Hope he is all rested up from the trip to Camp Lourdes.  Speaking of which there is severe flooding there.  The river which was raging through when we were there is 10 feet higher.   What a mess with all kinds of debris floating.  We were complaining about the rain and dreary conditions which was nothing really.  Now everyone is evacuated, well The Lady of Lourdes is still there. 

Right now have a window seat and always love that.  Looking down at an aircraft carrier in Bremerton.  Well, it is clouding up so that will cramp my style.  

Always wonder what sort of questions will come up at the Q and A this evening.  We are showing the new hour long version of Phil’s Camino – So Far So Good.  I know that folks will like it.  And it will be fun for me to see it in a little more completed stage.  Seen it four or five times and each time it is more polished.  Pretty darn exciting!  I’m going to miss all this when it all winds down but so far so good, right?

Ah, we are starting to descend.  Will check in with you tomorrow and let you know how it went.   High flying loves, Felipe.

GONE SUNDAY JUNE 17 TH.  NO WALK.  IN CALIFORNIA.

The general schedule when you can come and walk:

Monday 0900-1000

Tuesday 1600-1700

Thursday 0900-1000

Sunday 1600-1700

Loves, Felipe.

( This is the last post that I have found in my notes and want to get it out to you.)

Go Tell It On the Mountain!

I am working on this at 4:09 AM Thursday May 24th with the fervent hope that Caminoheads blog will be repaired and be repatriated.  It is somewhere out there caught between a rock and a hard place patiently waiting to be released back to us.  Not having it has become an important lesson for me currently.

But life goes on despite the daily glitches.  We will be back in business soon and stronger than ever.  And equally importantly the unpacking from Camp Lourdes continues.  A major puzzle piece appeared to me yesterday at the hospital that I tripped over on my daily camino.  It appeared so obvious because of new found abilities on my part to see it that I brought there. 

I learned at Lourdes.  I learned about myself at Lourdes.  I am a new Felipe who sees his own situation in new light.  We live with ourselves so closely we rarely have a chance at a perspective that is telling.  

Someone asked My Rebecca in the last few days whether I saw any miracles there at Camp Lourdes.  Well, no it didn’t happen quite like that.  I didn’t see anyone with a “throw down their crutches” moment.  And that can be disconcerting if that is our only definition of a miracle, our only measure but consider: but that doesn’t mean that our inner lives weren’t changed.  And maybe those changes are not apparent til we return to our homes and communities and use these as a place to find  measure.  We can only see our new selves when comparing to the space our old self left behind.

That is what happened to me at the hospital yesterday when I stumbled over something that had been there for a while but I didn’t see it for what it was.  Let me explain.  Chemotherapy patients have a port where the liquid treatments can enter our bodies in a clean easy manner.  It is basically a small titanium gizmo that lies under the skin and it has access to the blood stream.  So at each treatment a small needle is inserted through the skin and into to gizmo so the treatment can be administered that day.  It is really an amazing innovation.  So this is sort of a permanent situation where on a different day the same port is there for access of more treatment through a new needle.  It stays in place covered by the protective human skin with it’s natural healing ability.

So my port was put in just shy of five years ago and I am so much at home with it that I don’t give it much of a second thought anymore.  But here is what is happening, the situation is worn out.  My skin in that particular place is not able to keep up with the demands over my time.  OK, but why?  Because that is longer than the vast majority of people get chemo except for iron men like Felipe. I see that the doctors and nurses are not used to this situation of having to give me a replacement in a new spot and therefore I am seeing my situation in a new light.  THE MIRACLE IS ALREADY HAPPENING!  I have had the blessing to be still here time after time to be treated by my medical team over this extraordinary time period.  Felipe the Ironman is still here on his feet to be the gosh darn amazing positive influence that he is.  THAT IS ALREADY A GOSH DARN MIRACLE!  

Graditudes in buckets that I am here and have great things to do with that time.  That fits together nicely in the cosmic equation.  You are a part of that too.  Thanks, love, Felipe.  

( Here is a good post that I wrote on approximately May 23 while the blog site was down.  Today June 13the My Rebecca and I are off to Port Townsend for a lunch date with some of the folks from the film festival who we met at our showing, was it two years ago?)

The blogsite still not being up is not going to stop us.  Here I am at the hospital and will hammer out some memories on my notebook and publish them later.  

One of the things that I noticed on our trip to Camp Lourdes was that the malades (sick people) seemed to be having more smiles on their faces as the week went on.  Well, I can’t say that was everyone but it was in general true.  Is this a sign that we were more at home with Lourdes, with Our Lady, with ourselves?  I am thinking that these are the kind of miracles that were occurring.  They were subtle but apparent.  

People were feeling more at ease in many ways.  And maybe ultimately the biggest challenge would be if we are to feel at ease with our problems, our maladies.  If we can find a way to use our situation to some positive ends.  What are we going to do with what we got?

Well, in other news, I found out an interesting thing about Father Tom my caretaker on the trip.  I often call him Padre or Padre Tomas.  I was so great that he agreed to go along with me.  We had fun being who we are and letting the rest take care of itself.  Not too many demerits were accumulated.  But what has come to light recently is that he is actually the long lost third Blues Brother.  Yea, how about that, right in our midst.  

OK, that’s about it for the moment.  I am off here in a few moments to get an appointment to put in a replacement for my worn out chemo port.  More fun to come.  

Tomorrow, love, Felipe.

(Hi.  I found three posts that were in my Notes on my iPad.  One was written on the charter plane on the way from France to LA.  I couldn’t publish it on the plane and when I got home the blog was down.  So it has been sitting and waiting.  But here it is as part of my journal.  This was written May 9th.)

OVER ICELAND

Never been on a charter flight before.  I know, I have to get out more often.  An interesting thing has happened onboard.  On the way a week ago we were mostly strangers and it looked like a normal airline flight.  But now we are traveling home after being together at camp and we are joking and hitting each other in the arm like old buddies in the barracks.  

The Padre is on one side of me here watching the Smirfs and snickering.  And Jan is on the other side.  Jan and I have a mutual friend that lives in her neighborhood and who reads Caminoheads.  So, we both came into this being on the watch for each other and guess what the organizers put us exactly next to each other on the plane.   Huh, coincidence?  

Yea, Jan got up last night and spoke as a representative of her team giving everyone a glimpse of her and their experience.  She said something that neatly encapsulated it.  And that is, many seeds were planted in us here and it would take some time for them to sprout and grow.  It is an elegant way of saying that we will need time to process the busy experience that we have had and that will take time.  Everything is not so obvious at the moment.

Yea, I am not ready to say in a definitive way what has happened either.  A lot of moving parts have moved for all of us.  Well, how about a couple of observations then Felipe?

I heard a pilgrim say that they were describing Lourdes to someone back home as a place where a lot of sick people come.  And that someone said, “Oh, it must be a depressing place”?  But far from that, it is quite a joyful place.  A place where we are learning to celebrate our predicaments, our disease, our problems.  

APPROACHING GREENLAND  

The common perception is that there are cures here.  And there are some, a few.  And there are miracles here and they happen.  But generally it is a place of healing in a deeper broader sense where pilgrims discover the role of their suffering in the big scheme of things for one.  We go home with a new attitude, a new way of looking at ourselves and our place in the world.  And we see that we are not alone.  We never were alone really but it takes getting together in the same place to get a sense of that.  Again, a time and place to celebrate.  

Yup, time to do something different.  What is Padre watching now, some chick flick?  He so needs me.  As always, Felipe.

Ah, the sun is breaking through our clouds, the so called marine layer.  Nice, let’s dry this place out a little.  I am looking at a full and fun day with some work and some play.  Camino visitors coming from out of town which is always exciting.

So, Lourdes, it sits in my mind like a door that I am still trying to get through.  Or a possibility still not connected to.  Or perhaps I am baffled by God and God’s goodness.  I know that we are all struggling in our own ways and in our own times.  I don’t mean to add to your confusion.  What I have to say will be helpful to you hopefully if I can just get it out plainly.

After mulling this situation over and over actually over the last month one thing becomes apparent.  That one thing is the importance of peace.  Our own very deep inner peace is the sort that I am talking about.  Of course that fits into peace at other levels but this is the basic first step so to speak.  This is peace of mind or peace of being or peace with God or some such foundational situation that is the first step.

That sort of healing, this connection, is available at Lourdes.  It is a thing way deeper and broader and more complex than the simple idea that a malade throws down his crutches and walks away.  If anyone goes to Lourdes and is disappointed because they didn’t have this throw down the crutches experience I am sorry.  If one felt that they were somehow lacking because they didn’t have enough faith to make that happen I am sorry.  And maybe their problem became greater because of carrying this new burden.  See that?

We need to be good to ourselves, we are beat up enough.  We have faith and we should feel good about that.  We don’t need more of a burden.  We need something possitive.  What is there at Lourdes that is available to everyone?  And  I think that this peace is there and waiting for us.  It may be something way more valuable than simply being cured.  Just the world according to Felipe.

Sunny morning loves, Felipe.

It’s Sunday and I am going to take a break from the Camino/ Lourdes Intersection for something completely different.  I was just out trying to make some progress on the weeds in the corn.  The corn could almost be a full time job if I let it.  But in the corn news is something else.  Our son Wiley unveiled his latest tattoo to me minutes ago.  And he said that it was in my honor.  So what could that be but a nice big ear of corn on his bicep!  It’s the Cornmino!  Well how about that?

I have the Sunday afternoon walk in moments.  The weather has been totally goofy the last few days.  Sun, wind, clouds, hail in didderent combinations.  Well, we will see who shows up.

I just received a new rosary crafted by my friends in the fourth grade class at St Joseph School in Upland, CA.  We had a fund raiser here at Phil’s Camino and raised a few dollars for  a class party for them.  I hear that they voted to do a three way split with the funds.  Some went to a charity, some went to materials for the rosaries and some went toward their festivities.  So a good time was had by all.

And I am off to California next weekend for a showing of Phil’s Camino – So Far So Good.  Will  try and remember to give you details in tomorrow’s post.  We need a full house.

Full house loves, Felipe.

Here I am back a month from our trip to Lourdes and still unpacking.  I think about my fellow malades and the knights, dames and others.  What an expedition it was.  How can I ever thank them for treating me to all that.  But oops, there an odd little detail comes up.  The Order has a general policy of not accepting thanks, just sort of ever.  I was always getting caught in this.   But believing that they were doing the will of God in all this that it is He that deserves the thanks.

Yes, I can see that but it really flys in the face of things modern or of modern thinking.  It is the first time that I can remember coming across this and maybe why it seems so unusual.  One tries to be appreciative and it doesn’t happen in the normal way.  I have to learn to incorporate this and try and play along when I am around this thinking.

Of course it is not like we overdue our thanking God for things.  We do on Thanksgiving and sort of when we think about it.  Well, that’s me and maybe not you but in general I think we sort of miss the point of all this.  I think that they have something with this practice.

Ah, here it is almost 11 PM and running late with this.  Been kind of a crazy day with crazy weather.  Have to settle down now for my pilgrimage to church tomorrow with Catherine.  Yes and be appreciative to God Felipe.

Good night loves, Felipe.

Remember the other day when “ I grabbed a Nelson” or Nelson showed up after I asked for help and got Caminoheads going again after it was stuck for three weeks.  Yea, he was so johnny on the spot for us.  I proposed that we treat him and his wife Char to a dinner for thanks or just for laughs.

So yes, they came over with their guide dog in training and had some steaks with us out on the deck.  It was nice if not a little chilly.  Summer is having a little setback here in June in Seattle.  So yea, but it was all together a good thing.

That was a good blogpost yesterday and hard to top.  But never the less we always give it a try.  So, yes let’s continue with the idea that Lourdes is a vertical experience.  And by that I mean it is a earth to heaven connection or an attempt at connection.  Mother Mary’s appearance there in 1858 is still sending out ripples.  Bernadette simple reception was a marvelous thing.  I search for Mary and have been serious about it since my diagnosis in 2011.  It is mostly comfort that I am after.

Is comfort another way of saying being at peace?  This idea of being at peace becomes more important everyday to me.  And personally it seems to have largely replaced the idea of being cured.  That’s pretty earth shaking when I think about it.

Earth shaking loves, Felipe.