Was washing dishes this early morn, when I heard that familiar buzz. A yellow jacket that had come in with the firewood no doubt. I’m washing a spatula. It was so easy to slap it. Wack! Falling, falling. into the dish water. I fish him out with the spatula and into the compost with you, you troublemaker.
No fuss, no muss. Sometimes it is the easiest thing in the world to kill.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with a friend telling me about people that had come to her property to deer hunt over the last few years. As I teach Hunter Education for the State I get this kind of feedback. A whole family that had been in my classes over the years had hunted there at her place. There was a dad, two sons and a daughter. They were amazingly successful in the long run, a testimony to the Dad’s mentoring. One of the sons and the daughter had gotten a deer this last fall there and the son’s kill had went well but the daughter had major problems once she had accomplished her goal.

And what do I say? I say Ruth, “It is supposed to be a bitter sweet experience. We don’t want pathological killers out there. They are supposed to feel.” She seemed good with that although there is more. I should make an attempt to follow up and talk with the Dad and see if I could help out. But beyond the feeling one must have a very good reason to kill. One must see the act in terms of the little picture and the big picture and OK it both ways.

What does all this have to do with our conversation my dear readers? Well, I have been struggling with my relationship with my cancer, with my tumors. This is an ongoing theme at Caminoheads. I have been trying to learn from it’s/their presence. I am somehow in a different mindset than “battling”. And I have come to see my tumors up close and personal over time. And I have gone though all this to reach a point were I am ready to kill them. I have throughly looked at the big and little picture. I have met with them numerous times and expressed my side of the story. And they understand. I am ready.

Well yea, real basic midwinter conversation today. Feels sort of appropriate after the Seahawks loss to the Falcons yesterday. I’m “riding the plane” back with the boys, regrouping and thinking about how to move forward.

So look, love you so, obviously. So glad you are around to support me on my Camino. Thank you for doing a good job of buoying me up. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Off to my day, killer loves, Felipe.