One of my nurse buddies at the treatment center, Suzanne, shared a pic and story on FB sent to her by a Mom whose child is suffering with cancer. And it is not one of those sort of cheery pics, doing the best as we can at the moment pics but one very heart wrenching. One showing the painful side of the situation.
There was another post this morning from a man that had gone to the Holocaust Museum. The photo of the young girl in pain was for me maybe such a similar experience of viewing some of the displays there. Hmm. But this isn’t Halloween where we’re spooked for fun. This is real stuff that is brought to us so that we understand parts of life that as adults we are supposed to have knowledge of. And beyond that maybe we would be moved to do something about it.
And this brings up something that I have been wrestling with for a while now. And this is that I have had a relatively easy time with my cancer compared to those at the other end of the spectrum. And I think the other end of the spectrum has to be the children with cancer. I feel kind of guilty in a way, a survivor’s guilt so to speak.
I live my life in the wriggle room that I have found and things are relatively good, I commend myself for that. But how do I successfully address the people that have the maximum trouble. How can I poke fun at cancer from where I am sitting and not have some way to recognize those with maximum problems. I don’t know, exactly how to fit that into my act but I know that it needs to be done. I will have to consult with my doctors, lawyers and Indian Chiefs. I haven’t bothered them in a while and they have to feel like they are earning their keep.
The sun is breaking through the morning mist and fog outside just like it is doing so inside me for my spirit. Thanks for listening to me get this out. Time to go to work. I built a fireplace mantel in my shop and it needs to be moved and installed today. Thanks again for being here for me, love you, Felipe.
Dear Felipe,
We can only do what we can do. God works through us and makes all things possible. What I am about to say is only my opinion: You’re blogs keep a whole lot of us going, suffering is inevitable in life, we look for inspiration, solace, insight and comfort wherever we can. For a whole lot of folks your approach to living with Stage IV cancer brings just that: inspiration, solace, insight and comfort. And, just sharing the pain and challenge of seeing those not so pretty Face Book posts here in your blogs, and wanting people to know that you understand the “ugly” side of suffering is just one more way that you offer insight. What make your blogs so readable and so consoling is that you wrestle with your own thoughts, feelings and angels so transparently. Through you we start wrestling too, through you we start smiling too, through you we start crying too. What else could a reader ask for. You can only do what you do. The rest is in God’s hands and he is surely working through you. I just finished Paulo Coehlo’s book “The Zahir” and I turned down the page on the quote:
A warrior of light knows that he has much to be grateful for . He was helped in his struggle by the Angels; celestial forces who placed each thing in its place allowing him to give his best. That is why at sunset he kneels and gives thanks of the protective cloak surrounding him. HIs companions say: ‘He is so lucky!’ But he knows that “luck” is knowing to look around him and see where his friends are, because it was through their words that the angels were able to make themselves heard.”
In my life you are one of those friends, through you, I can hear the Angels speaking.
Buen Camino. love to Raven Ranch.
Catherine ~ I do some of my best work when I am near you. Thanks for all the great tailgating. Felipe.x