Tuesday morning here and just finished up writing and reading emails. Well, it is never finished, right? I just thought of a biggie that I missed but nothing life and death.
Yea, life and death, that has to do with with confidence and desperation in a very real way. I have been conferring with my mentors about the process of praying for miracles. All kinds of fears popped up for me when I thought about doing this. Deep inner stuff like, who am I to do this or do I have enough faith? I would have no problem praying for other people’s miracles but my own was a different kettle of fish. Strange phenomenon but real. I guess praying for my own put me too much in the spotlight.
So I have been wrestling with this. Wrestling is a good thing ultimately, tiring in the short run but big payoff in the long. So ! was listening to the local Catholic radio station a few days ago and there was a talk on this very topic, suprise suprise.
The idea expressed was that to do this very thing one must have a mix of confidence and desperation. Usually, we don’t put thes two words in the same sentence. The confidence comes from knowing, understanding and internalizing the idea that nothing is impossible with God. Right? Just what would be impossible?
The desperation isn’t hard to get to and it provides the energy that one needs to persevere along this road of reaching for God. Does that make sense? I for one never got close to these ideas, feelings, askings in “normal” life. It takes desperate times to bring these out.
So I have spent a lot of my free time lately they to visualize the tumors within me and asking God to provide for them to start shrinking in size. Medicine has kept them confined in number and slowed in growth. I am thankful but realizing that as time marches on they will catch up to my well being.
Dr Zucker, told me at our last meeting that in non medical terms God is keeping me alive to fulfill my mission. And when I think about that it is a miracle already in itself that has already happened. Althankful, love you, Felipe.
I love starting my day reading your missives. Confidence and desperation- I wish I could pray hard enough for those tumors to just dry up and vanish. I guess that’s really kind of selfish, because I want you around for a very long time. So keep fine tuning and honing that mission. “God is keeping you alive to fulfill your mission”.
And it’s all perfect to hold yourself in prayer. We’re all one, anyway, aren’t we? Well, that’s it for my foggy morning musings. Hope to see you this afternoon in that “Z” town somewhere beyond Pamplona. 🙂
Thank you Dana ~ boy I got deep in the goulash there didn’t I? Thanks for going there with me. Off to walk in a moment. Nice afternoon, love you, Felipe.
William S. Burroughs said, “Desperation is the raw material of drastic change. Only those who can leave behind everything they have ever believed in can hope to escape.” There is something profound and spiritual about his words. Jesus said something similar about whose who want to save their lives will lose them, but anyone who gives up their life for him will find it. Deep. Your words are deep, calling to deep in each one of us. Thank you for calling us there. Lots of love to you, Felipe. You are the best. <3 Peace, Annie
Annie ~ so great to hear from you. And wish you were here. Yes, I am baring my soul on this one. I used to be a very private person but now being beyond normal I don’t care abut such things and it seems like I am throwing it out to the universe when I write this blog. Invented a new word, “althankful”, what do you think? Maybe changing words will reinvent, for the better, the way we think. Love you dear one, Felipe.