Dear Caminoheads,
Sorry for not making it here yesterday; I got a phone call when I was about to write here, and I ended walking back to the work computer to sort out a problem and I ended coming to bed “today”…
Back to the title, yes… I think it is only right to talk about SMILES now… Other than the tone of the voice, smiles is the next thing we have to reflect, irradiate, spread, get infected, acquire, absorb and any other verbs that mean something that happens both ways… sort of from us to others, or from others to us… Have you thought about that?
How do you calm a baby? How do you break the ice in a conversation? How do you make peace after a fight? Usually either by using a soothing voice to say something nice, or smiling. I really like this line from the English writer Joseph Addison:
“What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but scattered along life’s pathway, the good they do is inconceivable.”
With some months in the pandemic, I listened to a conversation of a Spanish children psychologist talking about the babies born during the pandemic that had to face the world without seeing the mother’s, father’s, siblings’s, grandparent’s, etc faces uncovered… This woman said it would be very interesting to see how these children got the clues of safe attachment, and their emotional regulation through the expressions of their caregivers… all “trifles” as Addison said, but also priceless…
But as we know, there are lots of people who think deeply and do research, and they do it with so much creativity and wisdom, that they see the half glass full when others cannot see a drop… Stephen Porges is one of him. -Look him up, this man is quite interesting and a delight to listen to because he has endless optimism too-. The thing is that I was listening to a talk he gave, and he said that wearing the mask, as we did and continue to do since the pandemic, isn’t really an impediment to show we are smiling (he was trying to address the concern of some people who said they prefer to see smiles and take the risk to get covid, than to not see smiles for wearing a mask). And he went to talk about the “Duchenne smile”.
The “Duchenne smile” is the smile that reaches your eyes. This smile makes the corners of the eyes wrinkle up with crow’s feet. This is the smile that most of us (most of our brains!) recognize as the most authentic expression of happiness and empathy… basically: “we smile with the eyes”… This is Super Beautiful, don’t you think?!
I must confess: since I know this, I have paid way more attention to people’s eyes and have been more aware of my eyes too… and I realized I smile with my eyes WAY more than with my mouth!
Wrinkle up with crow’s feet loves,
Cris
Thank you, Cris, for reminding me about the ability to read another’s emotions from the eyes when we ramble the earth masked to avoid sharing some tiny particles with others.
As I walk about our adopted home town I am surprised at how many people wearing a mask I recognise and how many recognise me. I have been a fan of gazing into one-another’s eyes for many years – and even more as I loose some hearing ability, but so much is communicated in the gaze. I found that true when sharing time with those on The Camino with who I had no common language. We communicated through ‘body language’ which was largely sent and received in the face.
I also think about that as I enjoy looking at the sculptures and paintings in the churches and cathedrals along The Camino. So much is there to receive on the faces gazing at us, and at each other, in the works of art. Even the gargoyles at the roofline have expressions with noting. Wonderful examples of communicating both ways with our eyes.
Thank you, Ron! This you say is indeed so true. Others say that the eyes are the window to the soul, and so many other real things about the eyes… but we also reflect a lot on our body language, as you reflect. I will write a bit about this just next.
Un abrazo,
Cris