(photo J Hyde)
The Last Lap
A cool breeze runs through the General’s tent between hail storms. It brings a patch of sunlight, dappled by the great cherry tree overhead, like a vast umbrella. Resident Raven‘s wings above that. Heaven just above that.
I sit with Phil, my hand on his shoulder while Will calmly reads a lullaby from the Bible. We are playing a game of telepathic charades. Pulling blankets off, then on again, trying to bring tidbits of relief where we can. It’s tough. Communication is at a minimum. Consciousness is hardly here, spanning many distant planes at once. A moan, a groan. Sometimes a word, repeated if urgent.
Currently, the word is leg as he reaches down to his left one and is obviously trying to change something. I gather that he wants a stretch and help him bend it toward his chest, gently swaying back and forth. “Leg. Oh, leg. Ah. Leg, leg…” It’s not enough. Just trying to get some blood moving, I continue. Bending, rocking. “Other leg” he says, wincing. Will sets the good book down and uncovers his right leg.
“More. More. Ugh. Mas, mas” Felipe at the helm. “Move” he groans. Will and I catch eyes in a joint effort. We sense that he wants them moved closer to the edge of the bed and slowly, we oblige. As his right leg nears the edge, I chuckle and try to explain that we can’t move him any more without his leg falling off the bed. “Yeah” he says “fall off”. Ok.
I’m worried that what he wants is to get out of bed, but this doesn’t seem to be the case. As his knee bends over the edge and Will lifts and lowers his foot, he breathes a sigh of relief. I’m bending, he’s bending, but it’s still not quite right. He’s still groaning, knees creaking. We lift both legs so that they are in front of him and bending in sync, as if he’s pumping on a swing. Getting warmer.
Finally, in an Aha moment, I delay the rhythm by half a beat and we-as a team- fall into stride, literally. That unmistakable motion that most of us do every day… the one that saved his life. His face relaxes, maybe even tries to smile. With the tent flap open, breeze still gently rustling through the Hawthorne beyond the decaying garden, it’s a perfect vision of autumn in the northwest, a beautiful day for a walk.
Will and I lock teary eyes now. We can feel his muscles and tendons flexing beneath our grasp. Yes, we are helping him, but he’s walking and he knows it. One foot in front of the other- one in the spirit world, one in ours. Content to stroll, we carry on. To Burgos or Leon, I suppose, or maybe to the next albergue or bird feeder. Not sure, just happy to be on our way there. On the road to awe. This was a defining moment. One of those ones where time melts away, ceases to exist. Only love. Simple, boundless. Will and I loved him and we knew he loved us back.
It wasn’t a full lap. Perhaps only to the corn and back. But it was his last lap. And I was glad to be with him. I write this now on his 74th birthday and trust that he’s walking still, walking with God. Walking will never be a meaningless activity to me, I’m sure many of you feel the same way. Keep on walking.
Wiley Volker
Erratum: Written by Rebecca and Wiley Volker, sent by Rebecca and posted by Cris
Thank You Rebecca and Wiley.
A Beautiful story.
Having shared moments like that with a dear friend many moons ago…………..
So pleased that you shared these words.
I also trust that Phil is indeed “Walking with God”.
Solvitur Ambulando.
The Beauty of words, of lovingly well-crafted sentences, of tear-inducing thoughts and word pictures. Of memories transformed into images of amazing clarity, the sounds and sights of his presence reborn into near reality. What a gift you have given us, those others of us who have had the privilege of loving him. Thanking you all with genuine heart-felt thanks. We are all so much better people in the knowing him. And you.
Semper Fi,
PFJ
Thanks John. This was all Wiley’s writing, and it is astonishingly great, isn’t it? This will be included in the end material of the blog book, along with Tesia’s eulogy.
Thank you Wiley and Rebecca for sharing this special moment in time that the 3 of you shared. It seems only fitting to know that Felipe walked from this life and onto his next destination.
My Uncle Chris, who was 74 and unable to walk much (due to neuropathy) the last 4 year of his life, passed away in mid November. Almost to the day of Phils passing.
While they didn’t know each other here in earth, perhaps Phil has introduced him to the Camino of the Heavens and now they are walking their new path, free of all pain and suffering, together.
Meanwhile, for those of us still here on earth…
Happy Birthday Felipe!
We miss you…
❤️
Your words so moved me, words that included me in that moment, and feeling immediately the very special people whose hands, legs and feet were moving my heart to the tent at that moment. Muchas gracias for those words that so well describe the journey we seek.
God bless you all,
Ron
Just. Beautiful!
Truly, simply, breathtakingly beautiful.
Thank you Wiley for sharing such a deeply personal moment. I’m sending loads of love to you, and to all of us who got to share that last lap…
Buen Camino.
-Annie
What a beautiful, perceptive and generous gift you have shared with us, Wiley! Walking and talking with Phil and Kelly transformed my own Camino into something beyond even what I had expected and planned for so many years. Then, getting to know your mother and you and the ever increasing Camino family…there really are no coincidences on the Camino, just synchronicity.
Your little girl is going to love your immense talent for stories, too!
This was amazing. Love. you guys.
As one who came to “Phil’s Camino” in 2019 through a film poster I saw at Swedish, I corresponded with Phil about a visit initially, I have yet to visit but very much have enjoyed the journey alongside and within the context of the blog! What tender moments, well written, openly shared and deeply felt uniting those whose hearts are set on pilgrimage!
As one who came to “Phil’s Camino” in 2019 through a film poster I saw at Swedish, I corresponded with Phil about a visit initially. I have yet to visit but very much have enjoyed the journey alongside and within the context of the blog! What tender moments, well written, openly shared and deeply felt uniting those whose hearts are set on pilgrimage!