Dear Caminoheads,

Some other day, I may share why this topic about closure means so much to me. In fact, it is related to the Camino, both when I first heard about it almost 30 years ago, and when I decided to walk it in 2011. But closure is a gift and a myth at the same time, wouldn’t you agree? One of the best things I was ever told is that grieving is an ongoing feeling, it doesn’t go away with time, but when we are go over the critical period mourning process, what happens is that we learn to live with the loss of those we love (or loved).

One of my fathers, the one who raised my brother and I and played the figure of our father was my uncle. He passed away in the Carnival day on 2013 after a short illness. He had a massive hemorrhagic stroke, kind of like recovered, and had a second bleeding 14 days after. My nephews loved their grandfather; and while my brother and sister in law explained to them what happened, as soon as we arrived to my uncle’s home after the funeral, my youngest nephew ran to my uncle’s bedroom where they used to take a nap together. Now, my youngest nephew is 12 and still if you ask him where my uncle is, he says “he is in my heart”.

On the other hand, despite my uncle always said he wanted his ashes to be scattered in the sea of the beach he adopted as his home, when the moment come, my aunt didn’t want us to do that. She wanted and needed a burial place, a place to go to talk to him. Probably that is why she or her generation and previous generations were educated… the lost ones “are resting in peace in a cemetery”.

I feel like it’s kind of mysterious how important it is for human beings  to have that moment of good bye even after the love one has passed. I read somewhere that the process of the funeral provides “control” and it seems we need some control when we lose someone we love. And it also has to do with attachment, like happened with my aunt, people want to come back to touch base with where this body is, or where the symbol of this body is. Either because it is how we were educated, or because it is part of our beliefs. It seems these burial places play a very great function in our psychological well-being.

I have thought already that I would like not to rip in a cemetery. I like more the idea of becoming a tree for example, but truly truly truly what I would truly love, is “to be in my love ones’s hearts”.

Gift loves,

Cris