Catherine here, cub reporter on first assignment for Caminoheads. Inspired by and grateful to our various Bureau Chiefs, I humbly submit this post.
…Growing up in a devout Catholic family, I learned to pray before I learned to read. At bedtime my Mom and I would kneel beside my bed, hands folded and together we would say: Jesus, Jesus, come to me, make the sweetest child of me. Even as I grew older, praying seemed to be about asking God for things: help on a test, healing for my uncle, forgiveness for my sins. Somewhere along the line I started talking to God, long rambling monologues that were filled with the questions for which I had no answers. What am I supposed to do? What do you want from me? Why am I here? It never occurred to me that God might speak back if I would just shut up and listen. No one ever suggested that if I quieted my mind and listened with my heart, I might hear the whispered voice of God.
For my 60th birthday, I decided to celebrate by walking the Camino de Santiago. I couldn’t explain why, the idea just entered my mind, lodged there like grain of sand, and over time grew into a dream. However, when people asked why I wanted to walk 500 miles across Spain, I was at a loss for words. I had no real explanation other than my impending birthday, which felt like a ridiculously shallow, and unsatisfying response. As I walked here at home, in preparation for the trip, their question became my own. Why, really, did I want to make this pilgrimage? One morning, a week before leaving, a prayer came to me. It was not from me, but came to me, in its entirety.
I am walking praising you oh God.
I am walking for the healing of the earth,
for an end to nuclear weapons and power,
for all beings everywhere that they may be free of suffering.
I am walking with gratitude for family and friends,
with gratitude for the ancestors, and those yet to be born;
may theirs will be a more peaceful, just, and verdant world.
I am walking in wonder of your great mystery.
May each step I take be with humility, courage, and compassion.
I am walking praising you oh God.
I am walking.
I was astonished by the clarity of the words and by the direction they offered. I now knew exactly why I was walking the Camino. When people asked, I answered: “I want to make a long prayer of thanksgiving for my life.” Now, six years later, I might answer: “I walked because God called me to do so, through a prayer.”
There will always be questions for which I have no answers, and there are still plenty of times when I catch myself ambling along a forest trail, rambling on, once again to God about this, that, or the other. Just yesterday, I was clucking at God like a chicken, asking about the Oasis, asking about Felipe, asking about Rebecca, asking how best to be of service at this time? When I caught myself in the middle of yet another cluck, I had to laugh. Then I said: “OK. I’m gonna shut up now, God; it’s your turn.”
Still learning to listen after all these years, loves.
Catherine
Beautiful. Thanks Catherine. Learning to listen with the ear of the heart is one of the most important parts of a pilgrimage, be it of short or life-long duration. Thanks for the reminder. Jessika
Dear Catherine,
Thank you for contributing to this world in the ways you do: looking after Felipe and Rebecca with love and practicalities, looking after the rest of us with hugs and chores, and bringing so much beauty to the world with the goodness and kindness that live in your writing.
Grateful loves,
Cris
Well said Catherine.
When asked why I walked the Camino, almost a decade ago, I would answer” I am walking because I was invited by the Camino to come. The origin of this instruction came from deep within and could not be ignored.I also said that I do not know why……..I just know that I have to go and start walking……….It proved to be an unforgettable experience in so many ways………… It sure gave me a lot of time to listen as I walked in silence…….
I love the thought “I want to make a long thanksgiving for my life.” Just beautiful. Thanks.
That was exactly my reason in 2014 when I started out, after 12 years of wanting to go but not finding a convergence of time and money. I just wanted to say, ‘Thank you for this life I’ve had.’ But then, on The Way, I met Phil and Kelly and dove so much more deeply into the idea and intention of gratitude and surrender and spreading that around. We are very fortunate peregrinos who have been touched by them.
We did our first camino in the fall of 2014~Porto to Santiago. Have since done others on the French Way.
We have connected only these last months to Phil and the blog but feel very fortunate to have met him and Rebecca and walked Phil’s Camino. I am very grateful.
Isn’t it amazing how we are all connected, and one decision leads to life opening up in amazing ways?
Thank you for the wonderful words that capture your calling and response. The Camino questions friends ask us are often difficult to respond to but for me they planted seeds of ways to learn and practice along the way, in Spain as well as the rest of our lives.
We might just refer to it as looking ahead to finding an Oasis.
Catherine, It was wonderful to see you and Dana on Tuesday. Being in your presence brings calm to me, and here your words inspire me and direct me. You are a gift. Knowing you are there in person to bring comfort to Rebecca and Phil in whatever way you can, is such a comfort.
Love,
Henriette Anne
PS More guest blogs, please. Maybe some of your Covid essays.
Dear Catherine, et al,
I honestly feel like an interloper on these pages of insight, inspiration, knowledge, and experience! My total time spent with all of you is so little, and even then I felt out of my depth.
The ever asked question of “why did you walk the Camino”, was stated substantially more bluntly by my practicality-minded fellow farmers. “WALK 1100 MILES! Across a foreign country (my interjection of “two countries” didn’t help my cause). Are you crazy?! I wasn’t experiencing any personal crisis, I wasn’t out to prove anything in particular. In 2013 I was 64 years old, and in good health and very content with my life.
The concept of “Pilgrim” had somehow imbedded itself in my subconscious. I had begun to notice how many times the word Pilgrim was used in the Mass, and in hymns and prayers. At a deeper level than that, I had a need to prove to myself that people are almost always universally good, no matter where you are. The deeply imbedded self-preservation mode of “strangers are dangerous” didn’t fit my thoughts or personality, and I wanted a graduate course in proving my belief. An adjunct to that was that I needed to walk this alone, without spouse, or family or friend. A single stranger in a strange land, asking for nothing. I had gained a great deal from reading the Camino Forum for nearly a year before my departure in May of 2013. The single most important thing being to replace “expect” with “accept”.
What I had never “expected”, however, was the never-ending ripple effect of how those 70 days afoot would continue ever outward after my return home. All of you are in that calm, expanding, clear reflection. That is the Blessing that never ends. My sincerest thank you to all who are part of it.
I am so looking forward to seeing all of you in August!
Semper Fidelis,
Pilgrim Farmer John
Wow Farmer John, your words are true in my life before and after the experience as well. For myself the most surprising thing was the change after the walking ended in Santiago, I try to keep focused on the ‘replace “expect” with “accept” concept. It has helped soften the impact of moving to a new culture and living during this pandemic global event.
Thank you for your words: Perfecto!
Oh Catherine and all, This feels like water when I’m thirsty! Thank you for yet again putting some thoughts down that I can carry with me, turn over and over in my mind as I walk, or drive, or shop, or whatever. “I am walking in wonder of your great mystery” is a concept I find myself thinking about a lot. I am going through such a big change in my life right now that I didn’t expect, that I didn’t foresee, that I didn’t necessarily want, and yet I have found more peace than I would have thought as I walk in wonder of the great mystery I am living through. Thank you, my dear. I can’t wait to walk with you at the Oasis, and I will be delighted to hear your musings!
Reading Pilgrim Farmer John’s words about except and accept will fill many waking hours as well. Like PFJ, I, too, find myself falling more and more into the word Pilgrim as time goes by. When I play with my little 3 year old neighbor we have recently started calling ourselves “strong girls”. I am a strong girl because I am a pilgrim! Pilgrims are many things, and one of them is strong. Thank goodness! When I forget, I need only think of all of you to remember what a pilgrim is, and what is true for you is true for me, too. Thank you. <3