Yea, whatever appeals to me, I’m consuming.  It’s open season.  I need to turn this weight loss around pronto.  But it looks like a beautiful day happening here alao.  Maybe I will get outside a few times.  We are working on pruning the few fruit trees that we have, I could maybe finish that up.

Anyway, I don’t have a lot of time hear now.  Walking in a few minutes.  Maybe Charlie will be here, our neighbor.

And as a matter of fact Charlie did show up to walk our three laps in the sunshine.  I was telling him about our quest to answer the question “what have we figured out?” that was posed by Lin recently.  Lin doesn’t know what a turmoil she has caused with that.  The dear girl is like a hit and run driver speeding off from the scene.  Anyway,  with all my spare time I have been thinking about answering that.  Both Cris and Catherine have put down some great thoughts on the topic.  As for myself, somehow I am too close to it to see it clearly.  I wrestle with it daily and the analysis of it all should probably be left to someone beside me.  That is my current thought.

One way to explain how the relationship between me and my cancer works is to start with the idea that I have a relationship with my tumors at a very basic level.  They know me and at know them.  Which is different than just having a relationship with my cancer as sort of an abstract thing.

And when I go into this reationship I am following a certain template that I always use.  And the easiest way to relate it to you is to tell a story from my childhood.  As a boomer born shortly after the Second World War we boys often related to the history of all that.  I was always fascinated by the guys who would go in to disarm unexploded ordinance.  Sometimes it would be sort of a routine operation where  a known piece would be worked on and things would go smoothly till a safe outcome would be achieved.  Other times , maybe a new never seen before  device would show up.  So, our guy would be out there on his own with a radio reporting each move, as he made them, to try and find the way to a safe resolution.  Everyone else is back two hundred yards listening and learning.  So, maybe that guy dies in the process but eventually with enough guys and enough radios a way will be discovered.

So, that is how I see my mission as I approach my tumors.  At this level one doesn’t know what is important or not.  Everything is reported and a body of knowledge hopefully begins to form.  I will probably die in the process but something valuable may be learned and that is the point.  So, that is the basis of what I do.  I am not sure that I individually am able to figure anything out.  But when people get together and we talk our salon talk ideas do come together and interesting notions start to form as a result.

So, going long today, sorry.  Recovering loves, Felipe.