I wrote about my dream on Tuesday. That was fun for me as the material is always new and different and it appears out of nowhere. I may think that I am out of ideas but viola. And I write about what I think that it means to me. But there is more to the story.

Hoping this isn’t too personal but I think that it applies to us all eventually. We might not want to think about it though. So, beside the idea that our tendency to always fix things may be a problem there is a point where we don’t have the energy to fix things anymore. We are out of gas say. How do we handle that?

That is more of where I am at these days. I can’t fix anything anymore sometimes for myself. How do I relate? I need things now. I need people to help me. And that is more of what the dream is saying to me really.

A shortie today but Ron will be here tomorrow.

there is still love loves, Felipé.

Today I want to celebrate denial. Denial is a word that has such a bad reputation in our therapied, self-aware world. But like any “bad” thing it also has its gifts.

As some of you know, I have a life limiting cancer. I know I am currently as well as I will ever be, but I don’t know how long I’ve got feeling well or indeed how long I have at all. I share this because what I am not denying that the big C pilgrimage is a tough one and has impacted my life in many, many ways.

At the same time, today I am well. I have wonderful friends who met me for pizza last night. I slept really well. I’m only in a bit of occasional pain and because I am not in treatment, I am not suffering from side effects. Its sunny today and my garden is full of flowers and birds. I had my vaccine shots about two months ago and feel reasonably OK going out now. I am praying that things are good enough Covid wise that I can go to Spain to walk on my beloved Frances in September. But as they say, God knows.

So why denial? Well, I accept I am ill, btu I deny that illness the right to shape the whole of my reality. If I brood on it, the Cancer gets so damn big there is no room for anything else. If I focus on all the wonder of later spring and the opening up of the world, that is what fills me. I want my life to be shaped by love not by cancer.

Most days I am in denial. And that is good.

Karen (Our Caminoheads Bureau Chief from England)

It was a morning dream as all the good ones seem to be. And it seemed so simple but it keeps unfolding as the day goes on. It was long with maybe five or six vignettes to navigate through. I had to navigate, the dream people seemed to know what they were doing.

There was a scene where I was in a hostel and there was a big family there with all this mountain of gear. The gear was always impinging on me and his other neighbors. And I was trying to make friendly suggestions.

Then a scene where I was outside in a residential area and there was a man and women walking by. The next time I looked the woman was on the ground and the guy had his arm raised like was going to strike her. I tried to move but I was paralyzed and all I could do was watch. But people rushed out from the next house and a party ensued right there with the fighting folks, alperfect.

There were more scenes but let me just give you the last one, it’s a good one. I am walking down a sidewalk and the next thing I know I am laying on the lawn and two matronly ladies are with me. I have my head in one’s lap and the other was holding one of my hands. And they were cooing over me. And supposedly we were having a conversation but they didn’t pay attention to a thing that I said. Someone passes and says, “Oh Vera, I see you found a bachelor!”. Yea.

So, upon a little time and thinking I came up with one main idea and it mirrors my life and where it is going lately. As time goes on I have to start damping down one of my own tendencies, it’s kind of a guy thing, to try and fix everything. In the dream I had to be happy with observing instead of fixing because my help or influence was not wanted. Not only not wanted but really not needed. Life for my dream characters was complete. They really didn’t need help.

Really out of time and focus for now. Have a walk soon.

no fixing loves, Felipé.

Yea, got today accomplished. The traffic was light and we got there early, they took me early, was done early and caught an earlier ferry back. Greased lightning today!

Tomorrow have the same transportation crew. And Wednesday I have a full day so I will try and drive in. That is about all I have for you today.

greased lightning loves, Felipé.

It’s been raining all day except for now a couple of hours before dark. The sun is roaring and hitting the house and steam is rising off us in wispy clouds, Northwest beauty. And the corn has been well watered.

I am trying to rest up for city travels tomorrow. Back to the Institute for more radiation. Monday and Tuesday I am walking off the ferry to be picked up by Jeannie and Tonjé who will drive me in the city. So a little different drill.

I’m watching hockey playoffs and a player for Las Vegas just scored three goals in the game which is the holy grail. It’s called a hat trick and fans in the stands shower the ice with all their hats, hundreds of them. What a sight! Just a crazy hockey ritual.

hat trick loves, Felipé.

453 is the count of pilgrims coming off the trail in Santiago for June 4th. That is really magnificent after the winter Covid days of about 10 to 20. Things are opening up to some degree. Of course that is way short of boom times but still.

And yesterday here on the blog I was writing about Seattle opening up again. The street crowded with cars and people learning how to drive again. It is a challenge being out there.

Then this morning we had our first Hybrid Bible Guys meeting. There were four guys that showed up in person. Then there were two of us locals who decided to stay home and Zoom and then one out of towner who Zoomed in. It was a little rough in spots but we worked on it. In the end I was happy to know that it would be satisfactory.

Well, that is what things look like in a few places around the world. Of course it is way different in some places. Let’s keep them in mind and keep them in our prayers.

little rough in spots loves, Felipé.

Oh boy, made it through Friday and my third session. My Rebecca rode shotgun and we maneuvered through the worse traffic I can remember but I got there exactly on time. I don’t know what is going on on our highways and byways. Are more people getting out after being cooped up?

Jim took me for the first two appointments. He had his brand new electric Mini which was fun. Lucky for me his favorite pastry shop is right next to our parking lot. And he is the nicest driver. Must be from Vashon. At one pinch point he got flipped off and I could tell he was upset. I’m not near as nice as Jim and I have never been flipped off, at least not by people I don’t know.

Well, resting up for the moment. Bible Guys tomorrow morning and we are supposed to meet in person. I see how I feel in the morning, I may just Zoom.

Friday loves, Felipé.

Monday 0900-1000
Tuesday 1600-1700
Thursday 0900-1000
Sunday 1600-1700

Hope to see you, Felipé.

Jim, of Jim and Jen, drove me into the Institute today to do my “first” radiation treatment. We got there on time despite some stretches of bad traffic and ferries not on time. That was our personal trial run. But the radiology guys were having their own trial run on my treatment for quality control. This means that the “first” treatment had no radiation but was all setup and calibration. So that is all checked out by the overseeing doc and then tomorrow we should be good to go.

That is the progress report for today. It seems sort of a waste of time all this trial run stuff but how can I argue with quality control. So, we will be back in tomorrow morning for the real thing.

This evening is wrestling matches at Vashon High School. Wiley’s Middle School wrestlers have some matches along with those. We are proud of him taking on Head Coaching duties for the Middle Schoolers. So we will be there to watch and cheer on our kids. Interestingly because of Covid they will be set up outside in the football stadium. A warm summer evening with outdoor wrestling. Oh boy!

prepping for tomorrow loves, Felipé.

I made the coffee this AM and announced that it was ready to My Rebecca. She gave me a big, “Oh boy!” It just struck me as the perfect reply and was a great way to start my day.

We got an “Oh boy!” kind of day shaping up here in Puget Sound. This is exactly what my rootin tootin, crime fightin, first string varsity corn patch needs and has been waiting for! And I got the irrigation pretty well fine tuned to match this welcome development.

I think that I am going to use “Oh boy!” all day long today. Thank you Rebecca!

Off to town.

what else, oh boy loves, Felipé.