It would be nice if I paid a little bit better attention I guess. Maybe have to play my Trench Card, as in sorry just keeping my head down in the trench here. But Annie reminded me with the bouquet of flowers that we met on March 2nd four years ago. Little did I know that we would both run away together with the circus shortly afterward. It has been four full years of a world of Camino logic. Thanks Annie, it’s alperfect, the whole thing.
Some Official Caminohead words and phrases:
Alperfect – better than all good, an appreciation.
SJA – St. James Again or St. James Afoot – referring to the influence and movement of St. James in our lives.
We can’t help ourselves. – being always connected with each other and things Camino we tend to run into ourselves and each other everywhere.
I am going to go and make a big lunch. See you, Alperfect love, Felipe.
I open the door and a pretty young lady is holding a big bouquet of flowers. A gift! Wow, I feel like the winning jockey at the track. So, it was Annie sending some love our way.
Big and beautiful. Thank you all.
I am so impressed by the quality of the writing that has been flowing in here lately. It is as if we shifted gears somehow. We are starting to create our own weather around Caminoheads.
Here is Annie from LA:
It is a rare rainy day here in Southern California. Nothing makes me happier than thinking of you and Charlie walking three times in the sunshine. What a blessing you are! What a blessing Charlie is! What a blessing your Camino is to all us Caminoheads near and far! You walking in the sunshine is answered prayer, my friend. The title of my spiritual reading today is Unifying with the Spirit. Maybe that is part of the answer to Lin’s question. Maybe what you are doing, what we are all doing, is unifying with the Spirit. What else is there, really? Ultreya y Suseya my pilgrim friend.
Here is Sherie from San Diego:
We’re with you, Phil. As Annie said, I love you. I love you. I love you. The Camino has connected us all together. The field of stars has cast a bright light across the sky wherever we are….all connected by the glistening white against the dark sky. We make up the sparkle, the flicker, the awe. All together….it has shined bright in the sky…..those little stars are holding hands with each other. Feel it….. ❤
Well geez, I’m going on vacation. It doesn’t get much better than this stuff lately. See what I mean? What a bunch we are! So glad to be included! Happy to be in the same playpen! Heaven in our back pocket!
I don’t know about you but I feel pretty darn uplifted. I might even try peeking out of the trench here. Oh, look the sun is out! It’s been a long siege. Winning jockey loves, Felipe.
I am so extremely happy to list Steve as one of my good friends. We have shared work, camps, campfires, shotguns and dogs. One of his major talents is conjuring up gourmet mushrooms. Well, then there is his writing:
What have we figured out?
From way over here, Buddy, seems like a lot.
1. That nothing gets figured out– as past tense with a period at the end. It’s the figuring that is the pilgrimage.
As in, keep on walking/keep on figuring.
2. But, we’ve learned a lot about how to figure. Or I have, at least, from you. We’ve learned that Figuring means taking Figuring seriously. It’s not a whim or a notion or a vacation– it’s a serious spiritual quest, to know oneself in the grand scheme of things as a mysterious, magical part of that scheme. I love Rohr’s messages on this.
3. We’ve figured out that looking inward takes time and quiet; reflection; meeting one’s ‘significant insignificance’ as purposeful pilgrims — and that looking inward then compels looking outward– to others.
4. That each day has enough to meet and grapple with and experience and love– Matthew 6:34 stuff. Be Here Now stuff. ‘Now’ matters more than yesterday or tomorrow– it is, after all, all that actually IS at the moment. Meaning comes with the reflection that happens later.
5. Ease and Grace. Ease. And. Grace. Joanna’s term for what authentic spirituality asks us to aim for. To experience each day– whatever it holds– with Ease and Grace. Oh– I am so easily triggered to NOT be this… (Note to Steve: read #1-5 again!). It doesn’t mean passivity. It means living in purposeful mindfulness, I guess. You lead me/us there, to be honest.
6. That aiming with intention and discipline towards all of this seems to mean not missing life, but ‘doing life’. ( Joanna again). To keep on walking. Finding community. Knowing one’s family in awe. Experiencing love. Experiencing the love that is made manifest in joy, in grieving, in hoping, in reflecting– in enjoying breaking bread together.
I’m just learning, slowly, to Figure.
Thank you for that.
Your pal
Steve
I am so glad that Steve is here with this in the nick of time. I still am feeling pretty darn low. Trying to ride out this late winter crud that I seem to have on top of everything else. But that was a very nice piece of writing, thanks Esteban, you’re a peach.
Yea, whatever appeals to me, I’m consuming. It’s open season. I need to turn this weight loss around pronto. But it looks like a beautiful day happening here alao. Maybe I will get outside a few times. We are working on pruning the few fruit trees that we have, I could maybe finish that up.
Anyway, I don’t have a lot of time hear now. Walking in a few minutes. Maybe Charlie will be here, our neighbor.
And as a matter of fact Charlie did show up to walk our three laps in the sunshine. I was telling him about our quest to answer the question “what have we figured out?” that was posed by Lin recently. Lin doesn’t know what a turmoil she has caused with that. The dear girl is like a hit and run driver speeding off from the scene. Anyway, with all my spare time I have been thinking about answering that. Both Cris and Catherine have put down some great thoughts on the topic. As for myself, somehow I am too close to it to see it clearly. I wrestle with it daily and the analysis of it all should probably be left to someone beside me. That is my current thought.
One way to explain how the relationship between me and my cancer works is to start with the idea that I have a relationship with my tumors at a very basic level. They know me and at know them. Which is different than just having a relationship with my cancer as sort of an abstract thing.
And when I go into this reationship I am following a certain template that I always use. And the easiest way to relate it to you is to tell a story from my childhood. As a boomer born shortly after the Second World War we boys often related to the history of all that. I was always fascinated by the guys who would go in to disarm unexploded ordinance. Sometimes it would be sort of a routine operation where a known piece would be worked on and things would go smoothly till a safe outcome would be achieved. Other times , maybe a new never seen before device would show up. So, our guy would be out there on his own with a radio reporting each move, as he made them, to try and find the way to a safe resolution. Everyone else is back two hundred yards listening and learning. So, maybe that guy dies in the process but eventually with enough guys and enough radios a way will be discovered.
So, that is how I see my mission as I approach my tumors. At this level one doesn’t know what is important or not. Everything is reported and a body of knowledge hopefully begins to form. I will probably die in the process but something valuable may be learned and that is the point. So, that is the basis of what I do. I am not sure that I individually am able to figure anything out. But when people get together and we talk our salon talk ideas do come together and interesting notions start to form as a result.
So, going long today, sorry. Recovering loves, Felipe.
