Annie wrote to say even though I post great material from others she likes my stuff best. Well, that is roughly what she said. Nice, thanks my dear.

We will get to my writing which I described to her as “dragging up something from my funky donkey being.” But I want to dovetail (woodworking term, a strong wellmade piece of joinery) that with what the beautiful Kathleen Hirsh beautifully wrote and I featured yesterday. Here is a piece of it (reread it and tattoo it somewhere for tomorrow and the next day):

It’s God all over again — the good that has been everywhere known through the strange power of the miraculous, a radical change in reality’s rules, in surprise, in bread or disease, in dreams of angels, in burning bushes. It is God teaching the supreme lesson: healing is, first and foremost, a spiritual act.

We are always standing in the gap; we just don’t often see it as clearly as we do today. It is the gap of possibility. To those whose worlds have just been demolished, that insight may feel like a theological nicety. But Easter teaches that nothing is ever truly lost to us. The hard part of the lesson is that what has been lost won’t return in its original form. Healing and growth reside in our accepting this.

Healing is about moving into a new life, not hanging back in the old one. “Home” is not behind us; home is not in front of us. It is in our midst, in the present moment. Here. Now.

Man, I want to loll around in that! Her writing is so beautiful and concise. It is almost too easy just reading it. Somehow I have been privileged to have seen this from the mud of my Camino. Literally I am speaking, somehow I was privileged to see it the hard way. The way that it came to me, with such effort and discomfort, that I just couldn’t miss it, couldn’t possibly miss it! (I’m crying my eyes out).

I tried to explain the state of being “beyond normal” with I don’t know how much success. Those of us “knocked off our horses” can’t spend the time and energy trying to find it and mount it again. That stallion is long gone. Our quest to find a new normal is, well, a pedestrian move. Somehow I skipped this step or it was minimal, amazingly. Somehow in a flash it occured to me to “get beyond” and the phrase and the quest to be “beyond normal” came into being. It is “the gap of possibility”.

And this is why Kathleen words are so powerful for me, right now. They express what came out of the mud for me. They are very refined and pure compared to my funky donkey version but of the same gold. Thank you God, thank you Kathleen, thank you Annie and thank you You. Love, Felipe.

My friend Father Tom just sent this in. I’m lost for words at the moment after reading this beautiful piece. Please read this today when you can get to a quiet place. This is the post for today. Thank you Father Tom. Thank you Kathleen.

http://www.cruxnow.com/faith/2015/04/07/how-the-apostles-dealt-with-grief/

You’re all lovely. Till later, love, Felipe.

There is a yearling deer staring in the kitchen window at me. She is out in the flowers looking for gourmet treats. “Oh dear!”, My Rebecca would say if she were here.

Well, if it isn’t deer it’s cougars. We haven’t seen the big kitty again since last week. They have huge territories and can travel long distances especially at night. But it keeps things interesting.

I talked with Sister Joyce the day after the mountain lion sighting and she thought that it was interesting that it shows up while I am studying the book of Daniel with my Bible Guys. Coincidence? Daniel in the lions den is one of the all time great stories of trusting in God’s protection.

Here I am for three years now staring cancer in the eye and living on under God’s protection. I’m not cured, in the standard sense but it is a victory all the same for I continue to live and enjoy life with you all.

But the thought comes up as to what it would be like to stare down this cougar. Could happen on some lap of Phil’s Camino, it’s possible. Do I trust? Sort of easy to think about as I lie on the Spanish red leather couch in the living room with the deer and the lions outside the glass. Hmmm.

It’s true, yes, I am announcing this with the year barely started. Every once in a while something extraordinary happens and you have to go with it; you have to say yes this is obviously the big one. And although we have a sight bit of confusion as to whose fault, ah, idea it was, the event occurred. Well, both Quick Rick and our beloved Kelly have taken credit for thinking up the concept of a potluck tapas party. But whatever, it happened and was a thing of beauty.

Maybe we will come up with some pics, don’t know we were in the moment. I think we had fourteen participants and some folks made more than one thing. And most of the offerings were recipes that we all enjoyed for the first time. Exemptional event and my words are not doing it justice. But a highly recommended activity for Caminoheads everywhere, none the less.

And early on Sunday, with less fanfare, a man named John came to walk with me and who is going to Spain in August. We fired each other up as we Caminoheads tend to do. Lovely man. He gave me a rosary that he made. It is one made with all knots, no beads, I call them fisherman’s rosaries. Very beautiful but too new and clean. It will reach it’s true beauty with use and the patina that brings. Thanks John. I gave him The shell that both Annie and I carried across. Alperfect.

“Heat Wave” playing! Yea, that’s it gang! Love you, Felipe!

There seems to be a continual search for a way to express my situation and feelings in short form. A friend or acquaintance asks how I am in passing and it’s good to have a meaningful answer even if not complete. Just something instead of some dumb cliche. Just something the right length so it makes sense with the usual fast moving situation that we face.

Later at tapas we can unfold a more complete explanation. Later we can ask for help. Later we can do a better job on it.
But for now what is it that will fill that gap.

So, recently I have been saying to folks when they ask how am I doing, that I am keeping one step ahead of things. I liked it. It was honest.

And I met a dear man down the road who I don’t see very often. He was a Navy Corpsman in the service and took care of the medical needs of Marines so his stock has always been high with me. But beside that just a nice solid guy in the neighborhood. So, I saw him recently and laid my line on him when he asked how I was doing. And he says back to me sincerely, “And that’s all you need.”

Thanks Doc, you are exactly right and very zen of you while you were at it. He just striped away the implied message that I had in my head that there was something wrong with keeping one step ahead of things. At some point I think we all realize that we are crossing the river of life by jumping from one rock to the next knowing that we could fall in at any moment and yes we are in the present with not a lot of protection and indeed just one step ahead of things.

Alperfect Sunday morn here, love you, Felipe.

hello dear ones,

In Los Arcos (one day’s walk from Logrono – on the map, hopefully there tomorrow.)

We said goodbye to Kate & Mark in Pamplona on Wednesday morning. Thank you again to you both for getting us over the Pyrenees and off to a proper start! Best birthday present ever. We essay afternoon was Mellow. The weather continues to hold – sun, clouds, green fields waiving. Very pastoral. We’re picking up more pilgrim friends along the way. They pass us, we pass them – we greet one another in the evening over beer and wine (such a reward).

Thursday we walked over 20 miles. Dana set a blistering pace and when we arrived in Eatrella, my left leg was realuly sore. We took Friday off, I slathered my leg in analgesic balm, took copious amounts of Ibuprofen. Really, Angels are everywhere: Advice, welcome, a pension that was like twilight zone meets the “Golden girls” – so sweet. Anyway we made our destination today. Legs are all good. Tomorrow Logrono – 419 miles to go to Santiago.

Dana had scored a seat at the table with some young people playing hearts… Maybe I’ll see if I can get sealed in.

Love you all, pray for you so much – there are many miles walked in silence, only the sound of the wind and the warmth of the sun for company.

Blessings and thank you for holding us well.
Catherine & Dana

(I hope that this wonderful account will do you fine for today. I have much to do and am short on words. But that means little really when we know how crazy we are for each other. Love, Felipe.)

Whenever I go off travelling somewhere the most common thing friends and family ask when I get back home is “what was the highlight of your trip?”

That’s easy for me to answer, by far my favourite experience was all the amazing people and connections I made along the way. Some connections and friendships I know I’ll have forever. And we might not always be in close contact or even get to see each other again, but they will always have a little piece of my heart.

It reminded me of all the special people I’ve met in my past and lost contact with over the years. So I’ve recently re-connected with some old friends via social media and email. And what a treat this has been.

An old school friend told me how much she’d missed me after I had left and that she thinks of me often. Another friend wrote me a beautiful letter saying how much I’d touched their life and how sad they were when we’d lost contact. And another reminded me of what a charming, intelligent, generous, fun, full of adventure, non-judgement and easy to be around person I was. I was positive glowing for days after hearing all these words.

This made me think that perhaps I don’t tell my friends and family enough how awesome I think they are. We can get so bogged down in our routines that we forget to remind those close to us why we love them and their wonderful attributes, and why we are better off for having them in our lives.

So if you feel like it’s been a while, let those close to you know why you think they are so fantastic. And keep doing it, get yourself in a routine of doing it every day. You never know, it might just get contagious and the whole world could be glowing more brightly.

(Thanks Cherry. Just the kind of big hearted stuff that we need more of, that the world needs more of. Keep glowing my dear, love, Felipe.)

Shannon, my trusty neighbor spotted a mountain lion crossing Phil’s Camino yesterday afternoon. Yes, as in 75 to 275 pound kitty. It’s got my attention. I’ve seen lots of tracks while hunting in the mountains and had one follow me around, which was an interesting sensation, but have never actually seen one. They are usually very reclusive. But we will continue walking and look for more surprises, right?

I’m off to Swedish Hospital today to finish up my three day treatment sequence. Trying to get a little time with Sister Joyce at the Archdiocese. Then visiting an old friend who is in the hospital for a few days.

Then I am in search for a quanity of cannellini beans for a tapas party on Sunday at Quick Rick’s. Making Tuscan white bean spread served with slices of toasted garlic baguette, olives and cheese. This is a recipe from the Jesuits who have a tradition of “preprandials” which is their word for predinner tapas that we know and love.

Here are some words from Jesuit Father Tom Lucas, professor of art and architecture here at Seattle University: the break “gives us a chance to unwind together, share the day’s achievements and challenges, and catch up with each other,” he added. “It provides a small eddy in the river of life for busy and dedicated people.” Nice and that goes for Caminoheads as well.

So, I guess the message today is always take time between mountian lions to have and share tapas! What was that from the 23rd Psalm, “Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runners over”. Yea, love you, Felipe.

(Yesterday these came in, one from Catherine and one from Dana and I didn’t have it to get them in. So here they are today combined).

Hey, have to make sure that we have the species right on the swallows that returned to Phil’s Camino recently. Got this directly from Steve the bird guy so I know we got this one nailed.

Off to the hospital today to have my big treatment. Have to figure out how to have fun with it, that’s my mission. Starting out with my ritual chicken broth, always good. I’m next in line for my blood work. OK, got that. Jeanie was my nurse and we always have fun talking Catholic.

Now a half hour wait and off to see Dr Gold. We nicknamed him Nugget because he is a Gold Nugget in all ways, all the time. He and his team keep me alive. Do I need to say more?

Yup, checked in with Alice, Nugget’s head nurse and my oldest friend here at the hospital. We started joking the first time we met, fabulous people person. She is getting a new assistant so she can spend more quality time with campers (patients).

Just saw Suzanne, long time nurse and total angel. She works all day taking care of us and the spends her evenings working on brinng Ladybug House to reality. LH will be a hospice facility for children with cancer serving the Northwest. I wish I had a free million dollars to give her.

Oh, I need to go work on the jigsaw puzzle. There is always one going and I try to do at least one piece. It is the best place in the waiting room to start a conversation with another camper.

And here I am in the comfy chair getting my chemo chemicals. Already had conversations with Anika, David, Annie and Kim. These are all nurses here and depending on how long they have been here with me over the months we will have different sorts of conversations. Anika and I talk about wine although she said she hardly drinks wine but somehow we got started on this thread a while ago. David is fresh back from q trip to Eastern Europe so there is plenty to talk about there. Annie and Kim, I’ve only been working with a short time but we are searching for common ground.

Now the activity has slowed down and I have time to write a little more. I’ve been working on a little project involving having cancer. I’m really tired of the word patient. It is a category, a sentence, a mind space. I am rubbing against the limitations of this term. Instead of cancer patient I have come up with cancer camper and cancer commando. Esther came up with cancer pilgrim. Yea, we are working on stuff here at Caminoheads.

Well, I might take a nap, conserve my energy. Maybe get out and take a walk where you are and check on spring. Alperfect, love you, Felipe.