Wednesday At The Hospital

Looking for clarity.
Looking for clarity.

Hi. Sitting in front of a window getting my dose of chemicals and watching a storm blow in. It was a beautiful morning and traffic was light, my blood pressure was low but now it looks threatening, the weather that is. I’m just kind of cruising along here. I have a couple of hours now after lunch. I will give you an update and maybe work on my Don Quoxite book. Maybe we will talk about that too.

Bill my Cancer Commando buddy and I were talking recently and he was expressing his feeling about his cancer, how he was fighting it tooth and nail. He really hates it and is totally all out fighting it. And he reads my blog and he wonders what I am up to. He has a hard time relating to my approach. The only thing I can think of to say to him is that I am trying to learn something. Is that what you are doing Felipe?

What are you doing exactly Felipe? I have always had trouble with the concept of “battling” or “fighting” cancer. It never seemed to fit my perception of the situation. Maybe looking at it as if cancer were pirates boarding their vessel is helpful to some, it doesn’t fit with me. I am more at home looking at it as part of me that is off kilter. Believe me I am thinking and thinking about this. In that light, yes, I am trying to learn something.

My fighting is more involved with working on myself and my relationship with others and with God. It is more about making me stronger or more integrated than repelling invaders. Somehow this fits my personality better or fits with what I can do with the tools in my tool kit perhaps.

I had a meeting to be with Sister Joyce recently and she was talking about the difference between reacting and responding. It was about the answer that one gives to a change. Are we reacting from a highly emotional place? Or are we moved to respond to the change in a different way, perhaps a more constructive way. Maybe one blends into the other over time.

Anyway, the stuff I grapple with day to day. Somehow, I am more apt to ask “why are you here?” to my cancer than “why me?”. I am always looking for the message that I should be receiving. I have fullly accepted the “why me” part. Maybe this all comes from dealing with it for so long now. Anyway, maybe this is helpful for someone out there. It is alternate way to look at things.

In Don Quixote I am on page 308 out of 940. I just renewed it for another month and the librarian said that I could do that again. Grueling journey, this book, similar to my 909 laps on Phil’s Camino.

I will blog tomorrow from home, We Never Close! Hope your turkey day is coming together, hot gravy loves, Felipe.

4 thoughts on “Wednesday At The Hospital”

  1. Hola Felipe!

    Getting a jump on Giving Thanks before Thanksgiving Day. I want you to know that you’re one of the people that I’m thankful for. Full disclosure here, I frequently Copy and Paste excerpts from your daily blog to forward on to the those people on my mailing list that I think could benefit from your wisdom and strength. And, invariably, they are uplifted, as they receive those gifts from you, and without you ever knowing it. Ergo, you become a gift yourself to not just me, but many. Blessings abound on you and your wonderful personal family as well as the Phil’s Camino Family that enlightens us all.


    1. Ah John, you are such a sweetheart, in a Marine Corps sort of way. You constantly buoy me up. I am totally one hundred percent behind you sharing my quoxitic ravings with your friends. If what I write lessens someone’s anxiety and fear than I’m beyond happy. Hey, so are you going to have two or three hundred folks at your Farm Thansgiving dinner? Just jealous, Felipe.

  2. Ah, Felipe, beautiful and thoughtful blog today. Your approach to your cancer, your tumors reminds me of when I was teaching graduate students in family therapy. I always talked about the idea of meeting people (families) where they are at, the importance of building a real relationship with them, of understanding how they operate, what values drive them and what help they really want from you, before ever diagnosing them or judging them or deciding on a plan of “treatment”. If you ever get tired of teaching Dana and I archery, and all the other work that you do – you could become a family therapist! No worry about an internship – you will have already logged your hours with your tumors.
    Sending much gratitude on this Thanksgiving eve.

    1. Catherine ~ you are such a joy. Thank you for all the support that you always contribute. If we are always suppose to buoy each other up, you do more than your share, always. We had squirrel tapas tonight. I marinated the meat in red wine all day while I was marinating at the treatment center. I can relate, right? Yea, Rebecca liked it. Maybe we will try and do it again, seeing that the salmon season is closed. Wild Kingdom, Felipe.x

Comments are closed.