Number Eight

Felipe at Lourdes, sitting in his cart. Us malades were moved around from venue to venue in these vehicles.

This one is Releasing Suppressed Emotions. I have to admit that I don’t even know where to start on this one. There are all sorts of things that a body carries that drags one down and saps energy from important needs. That is what we are talking about here me thinks.

The emotion of fear is the one that I have tried to concentrate on in my journey. I think thrown in there is worry and anxiety too. There, that looks like the unholy threesome. Cancer or other great stresses use these three to defeat you, they work you over and drain you of precious energy.

This is all very personal, what haunts me. Maybe someone else would have a difficult time with anger. Having a cancer diagnosis would bring forth the question of why me? Then you are off and running with anger potentially.

I should be careful here because I bearly know what I am talking about. And if I stick to my personal story I will do best. Why don’t we stick to these two issues, fear and anger to simplify things.

One, anger I had very little trouble with. Somehow I bypassed this one and was able to take my diagnosis in stride. That seems now as I write about it a major accomplishment but at that time it all went pretty smoothly. I think at some point in my life I realized that anger is sort of a luxury that I couldn’t afford.

But fear we could talk about greater and at length. For me this was a biggie that took a lot of taming. And I am putting it together with worry and anxiety as weapons of the enemy that all have the same effect.

A person only has so much energy and that is badly needed in this “battle with cancer”. Fear is a drain on that energy whether it is a fear of pain or dying or the unknown or whatever. Somehow minimizing this loss means that saved energy can be plowed back into one’s health and well-being. This works. Easier said than done but possible, I did it.

Worry to me seems distraction in another word. Three times during my cancer journey I was in near car crashes. Maybe they were my fault or maybe I wasn’t paying attention like I should have been, doesn’t matter really. The safest way for me to be is to live in the moment and actually see what is going on around me. If I am worried I become distracted and miss important clues in my environment. I finally realized that, what good is it to worry about my cancer and then die in a car accident because I was distracted.

And on to anxiety. I am thinking about this as a an unsettled feeling in the gut, a nervousness maybe. I put it is a line of things: fear leads to anxiety leads to nausea leads to not eating right. I was able to avoid 99% of the dreaded nausea that is associated with chemotherapy somehow. And I am attributing that to the taming of fear in my being and it’s taming of anxiety.

So here we are. I think that I did a pretty good job on expaining what I could explain. And as to releasing SUPPRESSED emotions there are probably some of those guys hanging around that I don’t even know about. That is why I threw this in the third catagory as it is probably something that requires serious help to unlock.

This is way to long, time to go. Smoke filled morning here in Puget Sound. Love you, Felipe.

8 thoughts on “Number Eight”

  1. Fear is what we were talking about last night in my prayer meeting. This is what I got from that discussion. The fear of being sick can be worse than being sick. The fear of dying can be worse than dying. The fear of anything can be worse than the actual thing. This is because fear keeps us from loving and living well.
    I kept thinking of you last night. Fear seems to be an emotion that can stifle us. You seem to be able to live gracefully and not give into fear. Thanks for helping us see that we too can live a life of curiosity, trust, courage, and calmness.

    1. Loretta ~ thanks for your insight. There is a reason that the most repeated phrase in the Bible is “fear not”. We are very susceptible to fear and it’s cohorts. Miss you. Hope that retirement is agreeing with you and Bruce. All good here, Felipe.x

  2. Hola Felipe,

    During my secret mission, I found myself reflecting on things like “acceptance”, “consenting”, “letting go”, “releasing”, but none of these words were describing behaviors ease for me to undertake… until, the word “surrender” came in. And that is the word that for me, made the trick! The one that unlocked the door.

    In the surrender/abandonment, in the “thy will be done”, there is “a big leap of faith”, that whatever is going on, is what had to happen, and moreover, it fills with a trust that there is something that needed to be learnt from the experience that nothing else would have been able to taught us. And only in that space, is where the anger, the fear of the future, the worries of what may or may not happen, the anxiety that generates the “wish to know the why”, the “why to me”, the “which is the purpose”, the frustration for things not being as we would like it to be (and I could continue) suddenly vanish, and all we get is a “Meaning Yet Unknown” but “Full of Purpose”.

    Your friend Richard Rohr speaks of “Necessary Suffering” as the door to meaning, and for some reason, it makes sense to me that the action to take is “to open the door”, “to let it in” and “to surrender to it (maybe even “To fall in love”?) and let it not undermine our existence, but living fully in it. If we are to live thinking how terrible our life is because things are not the way we want, we will be killed by the stress that those emotions generate way sooner! This is why I see this one connected with the “Embrace the Positive”, too!

    Ups, maybe, I missed the point!
    Loving Life Love,
    Cris

    1. Cris ~ yes, surrender. You words are right on. It all takes faith. I think that is the key. To have faith that it is all working out is the Way. To do this right on into our suffering is what we are asked to do. Yes, and these factors are listed as separate so that we can study them easier but they are really mutually supporting. No you didn’t miss the point, can’t really talk about one thing without the other. Thanks as always, August loves, Felipe.

  3. I think you’ve hit on this just right. One begets the other. You’ve a good mind to help us along on this discovery. I’m awaiting each segment with an open heart for delving deeper.
    Hugs my friend

    1. Nancy ~ I’m glad that this book came along to head us in this direction. It is full of pregnant topics and pathways. Well, we are getting to the end of the list but there is more to talk about since the factors are really mutually supporting and not really stand alone items. The authors final chapters have some interesting ideas worth batting around also. So stay tuned, Felipe.x

  4. Wow! Powerful writings! Once again, Phil, you are such a light & blessing to everyone in showing us The Way!
    I have been privileged to know some amazing earthly angel guides! I shared about my friend Betsy that walked last fall in Spain spreading her son’s ashes.
    Here is another: another teacher that I have know for years, is now the assistant superintendent in Tustin School District! Kathie was diagnosed with breast cancer last year, and had to take a leave of absence. She was so inspiring in her positivity & faithfulness, and is st this time cancer-free!! She is so beloved at her District, and she has returned to work, but they also are giving her the space to keep in balance. A group of us met last night, and a friend shared that Kathie read a book in her journey with cancer, and she decided that the over-arching theme for her entire Distrct this year is going to be “Wellness”. I just texted her about the impact she is already making on sooo many! That will ripple and resonate right to the kids… like a pebble thrown into a pond. I asked for the name & author of this book that so inspired her, & will share it as soon I know! Buen Camino!
    Love, Maureen

    1. Maureen ~ so good to hear from you and your sis! Thank you for the story about your friend. Yes,remember to send me the title of that inspirational book. Yes, wellness is a big Godly topic. Not just about the little things. Felipe.x

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