Dear Caminoheads,
There is a post “tailgaiting” in my mind about that question, and has been going for a few weeks. Yet, between a comment from “our” Rebecca (Phil’s Rebecca) in the post on the day of her birthday, some words from the prose on friendship written by David Whyte posted yesterday, something Steve-O wrote too, the post about the Camino from a few days ago, and a text message from my Brazilian father this weekend, I thought to write “another version” of the post I thought for that question.
And it has to be with mirrors and witnesses. Who are we for us? and Who are we for the others? Here, I may get into a “translation problem” because what I am trying to reflect on is the answer to the “who” with “the person we are” and not “who” “with the relationship/role we have, etc.”
What am I trying to say…? Let me see if I can write an example (because I guess I am reflecting on this as I write here too). There is a Cris that I see in the mirror every morning, or every time I brush my teeth and wash my hands and turn on the camera in the zoom; this is the same I criticize harshly most of the time, and this Cris has a job, and pay bills, and do laundry, and feel life is a mess. My Brazilian father praises me highly, he sees me as “a passionate health professional working in a challenging field I love”, he feels proud that I am an independent woman who can live by herself and who is also able to clean her house and in his concept of life, that is essential to treat all individuals with the same dignity (once we know what it takes to do any job); and while he first met me as a teenager, there is no conversation where he doesn’t tell me how proud he is of the person I was able to be given my what we had to live as children.
You see? My Brazilian father and I “see” the same person, but while I am the person, he has been a witness to me living my life. Somehow, he has a perspective obtained along years of walking by my side that I don’t have; he has more memory than I have, and no doubt, he loves me lots.
And all of this is definitely great, but I am not here to tell you how great I am, believe me, I am not. I am here to reflect with you all on the importance of “seeing” others, of being witnesses of their lives…, the ones we have around, our friends, our spouses, children, work colleagues, family members, adoptive family members, neighbors, homeless we see every day in the corner. And whenever possible, share with them what we see on them, who we think they are, what we feel for them. With the pandemic, at the very beginning, we said that the lives of the others were in our hands, remember that? That has always been true…
A love that sees, Love
Cris
This is a wonderful perspective and reminder. Thanks, Cris!
Cris your posts are often so thought provoking. Thank you for them, all of them. When I read this one, all I could think of the poem by Juan Ramon Jimenez.
I am not I
I am the one who walks beside me that I cannot see
And the one whom at times I manage to visit
And the one whom at times I forget
And the one who is calm and silent when I talk
And the one who forgives gently when I move into fear, doubt or anger
And the one who walks where I cannot go
And the one who remains standing when I die
We all know that this “I,” is within us, and how we long to live into its fullness… the question “Who am I” is one of the doors that guides us closer. Thank you for asking the question. Your love of family and friends is beautiful, true, and good. You are such an incredible woman, I feel happy your Brazilian father doesn’t allow you to forget that.
Carl Rogers’central guiding principle is
“Unconditional Positive Regard”.
What you said, really.