It was snowing earlier here quite hard but nothing stuck on the ground.  Now the wind is gusting.  So much commotion.  It mirrors my life now with so much going on but me with so much connection to the deeper still waters.

I have a laundry list of great spiritual happenings that have surrounded me lately and continue that I can’t even start to describe.  It would be silly to try.  All things are headed a certain direction.

Sister Joyce just called in from Dubuque, IA.  She is so faithful in her keeping track of me and my travels.  Even when she is not here she is here.

We have a walk in a few minutes.  I think that we will be walking the Joseph trail today with all this wind.  There are actually two trails here that we got to come out 4 feet in length from each other.  One is our standard trail that we walk almost always which I call the Mary trail.  Then when it is too windy to be in the wooded area of the property we switch over to the Joseph trail for protection from falling limbs since he is the Protector.

So that is what it looks like here with the Felipe Family today.  People are coming to walk and have tapas.  Maybe I will go and start the prep on the food.  Thanks for coming by, love, Felipe.

Hi, how are you?  Ah, what is Felipe up to now?  Well, it seems like there are all kind of things coming together playing into some high energy confluence.  It is a time of introspection but when I look in there all sorts of things are happening simultaneously.  All sort of movement is taking place.  A sort of change of scenery on the dark set in between acts.

I am going to post Catherine’s comment that came in yesterday and  continue my thoughts tomorrow.

“What a beautiful post Felipe, why not see yourself as cured, free of tumors, free to live the measure of your days without their company. The tension between probability and possibility is rich territory; maybe like the Mesita. Who knows what you will discover as you walk it. We will walk with it with you, we will pray for your version of possibility with gusto. Truly you are a beautiful soul, a teacher to all who follow you here and know you as neighbor and friend. You are a gift. Time for the tumors to vacate. Sending love form down the road.”  Catherine Johnson.

I am back at the hospital today.  Have to go now to get ready.   Onward!  Love, Felipe.

Yea, there it was, unmistakably Father David’s best look since he started here at our parish.  It was the Ash Wednesday service last evening.  He does a nice job with all the Masses.  So, we all got our share and then some of some sort of fragrant ashes.   His homily was very beautiful about how the seasons of the year have their way of marking there progress.  As spring greening,  summer growth and fall color and winter solitude.  But going through Lent  and celebrating Christ’s journey we need symbols to make it more really for us, so it is not just intellectual understanding.  Synmbols like the ashes of Ash Wednesday’s or  the palms of Palm Sunday.

So, here we are on the second day of Lent and I made a couple of major moves.  So, I am giving up, tumors for Lent, yea no new ones, you hear!  And in that spirit I gave my existing tumors, old companions, they went across Spain with me, an eviction notice.  Time to move on.  This is the season to prune my fruit trees to make stronger, healthier units so I’m lining it up with that.

My tumors I always regarded as messengers rather than invaders.  They did what they do, they don’t give up trying to grow.  That’s persistence.  They brought the knowledge of death to me in a very personal way.  That’s their message.  They didn’t bring it from the outside but from the inside.  I always was waiting for something more complicated but ultimately it was a good message and simple.

Well, that is about it for today.  I must cultivate the visualization of the tumors leaving somehow.  Miracles are always in play.  But the important thing is to know that ultimately I’m not going to beat death but if I am supposed to be here doing God’s work He will figure that out and than I will be ready for a little time longer.

Maintaining the warrior spirit and not loosing track of purpose no matter what the situation, of what the odds are is the vision in play.

Have to go walk, love, Felipe.

We had a walk and tapas yesterday afternoon and that quickly cascaded into a serious Fat Tuesday celebration as the pic shows.  I really needed this!  Winter walks sometimes can be lonely and tapas hit or miss compared to summertime.  But we were rolling yesterday afternoon since we all know how to feed off each other to create a fire.  My Rebecca termed it rootin-tootin!

My own personal journey was paralleling this.  I have been scattered in a partying sort of way over the last few months.  I was having a challenging time with my treatments and it seemed lots of other seemingly important things were coming at me stretching me to the max.  It was all positive but scattered.  But one of the important things coming at me was what to do about Lent.  And Lent was starting at midnight.

Lent is always talked about as a period of introspection.  It is a time to regroup and reconfigure.  Maybe new ways of looking at things or a new way to operate is coming up.  But all this requires calmness and an intention.  As of yesterday’s party I had still not come up with any of that, still pretty scattered.  Then last evening in just a few moments it all seemed to come together.

I was reading the book that I have been talking about lately, Cancer: Exploring Your Path, when it crystalized.  This is an amazing book written by an amazing person.  She really has spot on ideas and methods.  She was buoying me up in my scatteredness and giving me a new angle to think about.

I was being dared to think about the idea of me being cured.  Not living with this forever but actually being past it or clear of it in a real way.   What would that be like?  I know that is possible theoretically but is it possible for me?  Dare I think about that?  I think that I am being called to not only think about it but to dwell on it, to try it on and see how it fits.  Wear it around.  Look in the mirror and see what you think.  Live with it.

I have come to think about my current situation of endless treatment as necessary to keep me in line.  Like somehow I would fall into my old ways without this constant reminder.  But what if I have now outgrown that template, that notion?  What would be my role, my posture, my persona after being clear of disease?  This is the ultimate in remaining positive about my situation.  Dare I have a new template?

OK, I have a month and a half to work on this and am off to a good start.  Sometimes starting is half of the effort.  Will be at Mass  at 1900 today for Ash Wednesday service.  Lent has begun.  Love, Felipe.

Here is something totally unrelated to what we do here but Greg fire truck has the steering wheel on the right.  So, I was looking around and just about learned all of world history by exploring which countries drive on the left and which on the right and why.  It seems Japan’s preference goes back to the days of the samurai  when they being mostly right handed would prefer to walk on the left to avoid clanking swords with the guy coming the other way.  Yea, wayback.

One more, because this is too good.  A friend of mine witnessed this as he was stationed there in the Navy.  It seems that Americans occupying Japan after World War Two took over the island of Okinawa sort of as one large military base and changed the driving to right side.  Then sometime in 1978 when the Americans gave the island back the Japanese then changed back to left side in one day.  I can only imagine.  I think I would get a window seat at Dunkin and hang out.

So there.  Well, that is what I am doing mostly these days, hanging out and watching, watching the Olympics.  It is is on all the time.  But doing my books and taxes simultaneously.  Geez what a chore.  Yike, totally glad when I can hand it over to Raven, our tax pro.  Will that happen first or will I figure out the rules to curling before.

OK, I got to hit the books.  This is my Camino.  You are the best, love, Felipe.

Off to another week.   The weather here has been drier than normal and the outside beckons.  Walk this morning after I finish this post.  Wiley and his good buddy Greg from high school accompanied me yesterday on my walk.  Greg just in town for a short visit as he is currently headquartered in New York City.  Check the pic out.  He purchased a Japanese fire truck and brought  it over to give me a ride.  Pretty wild, Greg always had a flare.

Below is a link to the Mass for the Sick held in Phoenix, AZ.  Two reasons I am including it are, one it is similar to the one I attended in Seattle.  And two it begins with an interview with Michael Grace the Main Dude for the Order of Malta on the West Coast.  It gives a little intro to the Order.  The whole video is two and a half hours long so just watch the interview and the opening procession maybe from the Mass as a practical matter.

Phoenix Mass

So, me, I’m coming out of my chemo in fits and starts.  Feeling better all the time, searching for functionality amidst the jungle of side effects.  Jungle, that is good.  Jungley loves, Felipe.

I am here at Providence Hospital to attend a Mass and to receive this special blessing from the Archbishop. It is the Day of the Sick and that is me these days, one of the sick. The folks from the Order of Malta are here also to talk to me about the future trip to Lourdes, France. A future trip that I am trying to finagle my way aboard. Maybe finagle isn’t the right word but I just wanted to use it. I have some gaps in my paperwork and then hopefully I will be an official candidate.

Finally I am feeling better with my body and nearly normal on things of concern. Without whining I have to just say that these new treatments are a major challenge. I think I have expressed that over the last few weeks, maybe I should move on to something more interesting.

The Order of Malta is an interesting topic. This is an ancient organization that goes back to when the first pilgrims started venturing from Europe to the Holy Lands. They were first called the Knights of Saint John, that is John the Baptist, that John. They were tasked with protecting and caring for the travelers on these holy pilgrimages. They are credited with setting up the first hospitals anywhere. Sometimes they are referred to as the Knights Hospitaliers. They are overall known for there work with basically the sick. And that’s where I come in.

They want to include me in their annual trip to that famous healing place Lourdes. All the chapters of the Order of Malta from around the world are converging on Lourdes during the first week in May. I don’t know the population of all that but know that the West Coast outfit is sending 50 of us and each has a helper. So a bunch of us.

OK back at the ranch for a little rest. Then My Rebecca and I are back to Seattle for a dinner. Hmm, I am supposed to be recovering.

Love, Felipe.

Just savoring my first cup of coffee since Tuesday I guess. That must mean something. Man, that was a seriously bad side effects session that I am coming out of.

One good thing, I got some reading in. Just finished up Finding Mercy In This World by our very own Catherine Johnson. This is available on Amazon and etc. I really want to get together with her with the few questions that I have. She is such a good writer, I can learn a lot from her.

Now I am on to Cancer: Exploring Your Path by Teresa Matthews. Annie stayed with Teresa on one of her junkets with our film and I got a signed copy out of the deal. This is an up beat sort of a reference book. It has sections that the reader can delve into if it applies. It is setup to cut down on information overload which is one of the problems that a new patient faces. Thank you Teresa, hope that we get to converse one of these days soon.

As I am writing to you and simultaneously looking at the covers of these two books and am struck by the similarity between them. Caterine’s is a pic of the Camino with the trail going off through the foreground, middle distance and to the horizon appearing and disappearing. The sky over head is unsettled and clouds are scudding across the landscape suggesting a less than ideal day for the weather. Teresa’s cover looks to be a painting with a similar look but there is a fork in the road and the main road heads off to the shadows on the right. The y to the left heads up a hill lit up by luminous clouds on the horizon. The scene suggests that this side trip (your cancer) has maybe side benefits that aren’t apparent to the travelers on the main road.

Maybe I buy books for their covers. But these were both given to me by their authors. Sort of suggests some link there anyway. The link being that we are all on a journey?

So maybe next on my reading list is an old classic that I just haven’t gotten to as of yet, The Camino by Shirley MacLaine, from the year 2000. Jessika came in with this copy for me the other day. Thank you. This book and the film by Martin Scheen, The Way, are two works that have fueled the current popularity of the Camino de Santiago. Maybe that and the fact that the world was ready for it. That is all kind of a chicken and egg thing trying to figure which came first.

OK, time to try and get moving here. A slow steady start would be good. Thanks for being here with me. Love, Felipe.

Weak but hopeful is how I am characterizing my current condition. Had a rough 48 hours. But just finished a bowl of chicken soup with rice and a handful of crackers and that seems pretty normal. I know I missed writing the blog post yesterday and that very rarely happens and will give you some indication about how I felt.

But lovely angels are watching over me. My Rebecca is here at the ranch everpresent. Catherine y Dana swooped in with the chicken soup like they slide down a pole, a couple of firemen. Then, am in phone contact with my trusty nurse Alice at the hospital. They have gotten me through this hard spot.

Walking in a few moments. I will give that a go, one lap at a time. Charlie our neighbor has walked on the last few Thursdays so maybe he will be here.

Ever hopeful, love, Felipe.